Waiting with hope.

As we enter the new year, I have a feeling many of us are hoping 2012 will be a new start. A good great year. A year in which God moves and really brings it. Or maybe that's just me :)

Yesterday Pastor Dan talked about a childhood memory which was a test of patience. Children were given one marshmallow and promised that if they could hold onto it and not eat it, in 20 minutes they would get another one. Some children were actually able to hold it and not eat it, and of course some ate it. So the ones who waited ended up with two!

The Israelites had waited 400 years without a new word from God through the prophets. 400 years!! How dare I complain if I have a bad day, week, even a month without feeling Him near. Simeon was a man in the book of Luke who believed God's promise to him that he would see the Messiah come before he died. Against all odds, he had faith to hold on to that promise, until he was old and grey. And lo and behold, God delivered His promise! (He always does)

You see, the HOPE in Simeon was greater than the HOPELESSNESS around him.

It made me ponder how long I am willing to wait for God to deliver for me. I am waiting on Him to reveal several things in my life, including my career. I am in a holding place right now where He is teaching me much but keeping me still. And I'm rearing up, getting impatient with Him, ready to move! How dare I? How can I insist on being impatient with the Lord of all creation? Ah, but thanks to Him for His mercy and grace.

Of all the things I am struggling with, I think patience is still a big one. I can wait...but not "too" long. And when I wait, it's probably not very patiently. Psalm 27:14 says "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." The concept of waiting patiently on the Lord is woven many times into His word. Obviously He knew we'd struggle with that.

I have to let go of the ways I think He will work things out, put that aside, and simply wait on Him. With hope.

In spite of our circumstances, in spite of what things look like all around us, God and His plan are ALWAYS worth the wait!

Ponderings

Usually I don't blog unless I have a specific thing God's laid on my heart. But I'm avoiding wrapping Christmas presents (and a bazillion other things). So here is some things I'm thinking right now:

There are some great, kind people left in the world. Once in awhile, God puts them in your path to remind you that the body of Christ is a great bunch to belong to.

I wish I had the boldness of my 4yo daughter, who charged onto the stage after a worship service tonight. She sang a delightful impromptu duet (Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer).

Why do we make Christianity so complicated? Love God. Love others. These are the greatest commandments. Everything else flows after that.

Why do we make our own lives so complicated? God is in control and can use (and DOES use) everything that I do/don't do/wish I did/wish I hadn't done.

Why am I avoiding Christmas this year? I don't have a great answer for that. Last year was hard but I gave it more effort. This year I'd prefer to sleep through it. Someone get the Grinch outta me!!

If I could sing praise and worship for the rest of my life and do nothing else, no joke, I'd totally be on board with that. If I could be a singing nurse, even better. Not sure how that works out though. It would be pretty weird if I was singing while you were delivering your baby. Well...depends on how much stadol you've had...

I'm constantly on Twitter and Facebook because I long for, need, and crave community! I'm desperate for interaction. It's how God wired me. I'm a people person. I remember when Mike died, I told my mom I would gladly be alone forever with God and she laughed. It just goes completely against the grain for me to be alone for extended periods. I'm learning the balance of filling myself up with Jesus but enjoying the blessing of close friends and family.

Every day should start with a cup of coffee and quiet time on the porch w/ the psalms and the birds singing. You can't look at the birds, and read about God taking care of them, and continue to stress about your problems. Time stands still at those moments and I feel His nearness. Nothing compares.

I'm not looking forward at all to packing and driving 12 hours. Not. At. All. I DO look forward to seeing my family, hopefully my brother can make me laugh til I cry. He's the best at it. But the thought of all the preparation doesn't excite me in the least. Anyone have good song recommendations for the road? Please? I wore all my go-to's out on the way to Charlotte and back.

I need prayer for this year that I would continue to follow God's path for me even when it doesn't make sense. Even when I can't tell if I'm gonna sink, I want to step out on the water in faith. Do you have anything you want me to pray for?

Have a blessed Christmas and 2012! It's gonna be great :)

The feeling of freedom

In talking to someone tonight, I was able to put a feeling into words that I hadn't really recognized previously: I haven't even "dealt" with Christmas because I'm just loving the road I'm on right now. What I meant by that was that I'm being so filled up with Jesus that I really haven't had time or desire to spend energy elsewhere. It's not that it's wrong if that's not where you are at- I love Christmas...but I love this closeness with Jesus so, so much more.

It's freedom. I've known Him for so long but my desire to know Him even more intimately has led me to a place of such freedom I can't help but share. The other night when I blogged such a personal blog...I began to think maybe I shouldn't have. And then I realized: it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me. It's about me and HIM.

I suddenly felt this feeling of complete peace and freedom...just incredible. Me and Jesus. That's it. Obviously, that love has to express itself outwardly to others, but for someone like me who has tried so long to earn others' approval? Being free is a great thing!

All His words are true. He speaks to me tenderly. He holds me in His hands. He is such a personal, purposeful God. Don't hold Him at arms length, He can satisfy you more than anything else.

I love this: "Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." Gal 5:1 (msg) I feel this "anyone" also includes yourself.

Free. We are free! We are servants only to Christ. Each day He leads me in new directions...and I have not a clue what my future holds. But I love that, because HE knows the plans He has for me (Jer. 29:11) and since I know that He loves me, I know they will be good.

You can be free too. Today. Whether you are a Christ follower, or you don't know Jesus yet, throw off all that stuff that holds you back and run to Him. He just wants to be with you. He sent His son as proof.

Choose freedom. This world wants to tie you down. But life is far too short to not spend it all His way.

Do I matter?

I am about to share with you a very brief glimpse into the depths of my heart. This is a very honest picture of my mindset today, and I hope you will stick with me. It's important to me to be real, to not pretend I have it all together, in hopes that you will be willing to be real and honest with your friends, too.

Today I had a beautiful opportunity to go to a Christmas outreach with the youth group. We have been working quite awhile on songs to sing, writing cards, and brainstorming on how we can share the gospel with this amazing shelter in Knoxville called KARM (Knox Area Rescue Ministries). We've worked hard, and I have enjoyed every second.

I was in Charlotte for the weekend, and realized a little too late that I had to leave to make it on time. I broke the speed limit in many a county to make the 4.5 hr drive into 4 hrs. I did not eat well today and overdid it with the coffee, so with all that I was a bit stressed. (Excuses? Probably...)

We finally make it on time and dash in! And then...the fun begins. In my mind. Satan's totally got my number on exactly how to make me insecure. I hate how easy it must be for him sometimes. I felt like it didn't matter at all that I was there. I was not necessary. I could have not gone at all and not one soul would have noticed. I reminded myself repeatedly..."it's not about me, Lord. It's about YOU." And I honestly enjoyed being there. But I felt so...useless. Hopeless.

Got home, tried to call a few folks to pray for me, encourage me. No one home. Made dinner, felt like crying. Then I realized I just needed some time alone and took a bath.

And God met me there. That's the coolest thing about Jesus, he speaks to our hearts whenever, wherever.

What He said surprised me. "It IS about you. It's about your growth, it's about just BEING there, it's about being available. You are my hands and feet."

He reminded me of the woman sitting behind me doing a crossword puzzle...we chatted for a bit. Of the woman on my left who had a beautiful smile (and heart) and I told her so. Of the staff at the desk who we took cookies to. And of the fact that just bringing my children there exposes them to a whole new perspective on life. It gives them a chance to learn how to serve others.

When I thought of all that, my whole view changed. I saw the bigger picture, and I saw myself the way HE sees me. As His servant, available and ready to do whatever He needs, and always loved. When I asked Him, "Lord, do I even matter? At all?"....what was whispered in my heart I will treasure forever:

"Would I have shed one drop of blood for someone who didn't matter? Would I tirelessly shape you into what I want you to be?"

He's still workin' on me. And what a patient God He must be.

Peace: unaccepted

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth PEACE to men on whom His favor rests. (Luke 2:14)

These words, shouted by a whole lot of angels, were proclaiming the coming of peace. The Prince of Peace to be exact. The one that would end the fight over sin and close the gap between man and God. We can now have peace with God.

In Isaiah 9, the birth of Christ is foretold by the prophet Isaiah. The people of Israel at that time were suffering and in anguish at the hands of the Romans. Anguish. Life was really, really hard. They were in serious persecution. They were waiting on the promised Messiah whom, upon His arrival, "there will be no more gloom for her who was in anguish" (Is. 9:1) and "there will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness." (Is. 9:7)

They were waiting. A LONG time. Not sure exactly how long...but you know that feeling as a child when you keep counting the days down to Christmas, and it seems to take forever??? Maybe it was similar to that. It was a long wait.

The longer you wait on God, it's easy to lose focus on the big picture. You start to focus on your expectations, on how YOU think God should deliver.

The Israelites took the above scriptures and ran with them. They lost focus on whose plan mattered more. They began to imagine a strong, mighty government leader. One that would bring peace by defeating the Romans and being a King on their own terms.

It's not bad that they had an imagination. We create all kinds of images in our heads of what we think our future may be. The issue here is that they let their imagination and their expectation of what Christ SHOULD be cloud their vision; they totally missed it when He actually came.

God finally delivered, after all that waiting, and they missed it! His own people, the ones He came for, and they refused to believe this was it because it didn't match up with what they wanted. They continued to hold on to their ideas and false hope, even today many are waiting for the Messiah to come.

We have to be willing to LET GO of our plans and our desires and yield to His. Otherwise we absolutely are going to miss out when He delivers the miracle. Have dreams. Have hopes and ideas. But at the end of the day, place them in the hands of the One who will bring real, authentic peace by the power of the Holy Spirit. Peace that goes far deeper than the imitation version you can try to create apart from Him.

We can now have peace with God, by way of the Prince of Peace. Don't lose focus.

The royal "we"

Even though it's been nearly two years since I've been widowed, I still cannot break the tendency of saying "we." We decided this...or we were watching...we wanted to...sigh. It's getting a little bit embarrassing when I have to follow whatever "we" statement I made with, "um, actually, when I say 'we' I mean 'me'." Seriously, I wonder if people will begin to think I have an imaginary friend! :/

It's hard, really hard, to adjust to being alone.

It's even harder to grasp that we never really are.

In a perfectly timed tweet, God reminded me (through Louie Giglio) that He is always with us. "Are you just waiting on the Lord, or waiting WITH the Lord? Big shift! Amazing truth. No one waits alone."

No one waits alone. I love that. And it's so true. Not only has He promised to never leave us (Heb. 13:5), but also that He will answer us before we even call out to Him, and hears us while we are speaking (Isaiah 65:24).

In Isaiah 41, God says He has chosen you, do not fear for He is with You.
And my personal favorite, "I have called you by name, you are Mine!" (Is. 43:1)

So perhaps my heart knew what my mind had forgotten: I AM part of a "we." A royal we, as it were. I am a princess, a daughter of the King. When I make a decision, when I am resting at home, regardless of what I am doing, I do all things in the name of Jesus (Col. 3:17) and I do all things with His Spirit within me. I will always and forever be part of a "we."

We are chosen. We are deeply loved. And we are never, ever alone. Take comfort in that today.

Mary brings her "A" game

I love that at the age of 29, God can reveal something fresh and new to me through something I've heard a hundred times: the story of Jesus' birth. Well, make that the story of His conception. It's even better when that revelation occurs during youth group- I'm there for the kids, right? Except God sees it as a perfect opportunity to refresh my awe for Him.

We talked about expectations and hope. Certainly Mary, as a young woman at that time, dreamt of the coming of the Messiah. They all were waiting for Him to come and deliver them from the Romans. We can also assume that she did not hope and dream of carrying the Messiah in her womb before she was married.

Can you imagine? Being under 18, unwed, and pregnant. And then trying to convince your mom and dad that God did it. Riiiiiight. Not to mention convincing the man of your dreams that you didn't sleep around. When Mary imagined her life, I'm sure that wasn't how she would of planned it.

That isn't necessarily new to me. What takes on new meaning is this: her response. "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said."

THAT'S IT??? That is what she replied? Because, let's be real, if you're getting ready to take a nap and an angel pops in to tell you you will get pregnant by the Holy Spirit, well, her response wasn't on the list of responses I might have!

I realized as I listened to the lesson that I want to have faith just like that. Regardless of what the Lord asks me to do for Him, I want to reply exactly the same: "I'm your servant, let it be as you've said." That's faith. Incredible faith.

Take a minute to go back to Luke chapter 1. It's a story we are so familiar with, yet one that is so absolutely incredible. He didn't just pick anyone; He picked Mary. (Please don't get me wrong, I don't condone worshipping her more than Christ. Luke 11:28 says that rather than Mary being the blessed one is those who hear the word and put it into practice.)

Let her short, simple, devoted response inspire you this Christmas season to have faith that will trust God regardless of what you see around you.

Brand New!

Last night I had the opportunity to listen to a message from Sean Alsobrooks, the pastor of Knoxlife church. You can listen to that message here: http://www.buzzsprout.com/episodes/converted/36975.mp3

The longer you have been following God, at a certain point you think you've heard it all.  Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously. Then God, by the power of the Holy Spirit, breathes fresh life into a story and you become aware of how little you know. And how much you have to learn (grasshopper)...

The scripture that was a big part of the message was: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come."

Yep. Heard it. Cool. It's a good one. Not sure that I've ever allowed myself to let it change my behavior or patterns of thinking. But hey, another verse I know. Awesome.

Then the pastor wove a story that perked up my ears and made my soul stand at attention. He talked about how when his daughter was coughing he went in and patted her back, comforted her, etc. Then he offered her medicine. The yucky kind. She of course didn't want it, because of the yucky factor. Her father offered it to her so that she would be well. Even though she didn't want to take it, she needed to because it was what was going to make her better.

Similarly, when God comes into our lives, he forgives us and brings us peace and comfort. But He won't stop there- He wants to make us well. He wants to get rid of our "cough". Sometimes the things He wants us to do are yucky, they aren't what we would choose for ourselves, but as our Father, He is only offering us something that will make us better. We could tell him "I won't cough, I'll stop coughing, please don't make me take that!" And the great thing about God is He will never force us. He offers. He nudges. But He doesn't force. We have a choice to move forward with Him, or to stay defeated and "ill".

The other image that really struck me was when the pastor turned in his driver's license from another state to get a new one. They took his old one away, shredded it, and gave him a new one. His old identity was gone. Forever.

When you become a follower of Christ, believe He is the son of God and has risen again, He takes your old identity and shreds it. IT IS GONE. Gone. He gives you a new one. "I have called you by name; you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1)

God says: "I don't SEE you the way you used to be." He sees the righteousness of Christ when He looks at us.

I am new. I am NEW. No longer are we at sin's beck and call, we have a choice now, by the power of God. We are truly FREE. Not free TO sin, but free to forget all our old habits and ways and step out ahead with Him. We can't stay where we're at, we begin a new journey.

Ultimately, God wants us whole and well. He only has good for us, even when what's ahead looks bleak. He treasures us. He offers us healing and help to move forward. Will you allow Him to make you a new identity today? The old one will be gone forever.

The unseen battle

Ahh, my first blog of December. I'm ready for a fresh breath from the Holy Spirit, how bout ya'll?
This week I have been reading about the unseen battle we fight. According to God, it's the only battle. Ephesians 6:10-12 directs us to put on the full armor of God to stand against the devil's schemes. "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood.." but essentially we fight against the evil rulers of the world and of the "heavenly realms."

We know this. Most of us have heard this before. Yet is it something that you consider each day? As I ask God to open my eyes to the battle I cannot see, I am totally amazed at the skill of "the dark side" to distract me. I have completely forgotten how to evaluate everything with this scripture in mind. How many times do I get on the internet to read a devotional or to blog and get sidetracked by facebook or something else? Even now, all I want to do is spend time with Christ, and I am truly making an effort to fulfill that desire, and yet I get distracted.

John 10:10 says that the thief comes to KILL, STEAL, and DESTROY. He can't steal your salvation, but he can muddle up your mind to where you become unable to enjoy the blessings God has given. He wants to steal your joy. He wants to destroy any chance of God getting glory from you living a Godly life. God lets us know this up front, and warns us to beware.

"Be alert and and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Wow. He really made a strong statement there. I mean, He could have just said "your enemy wants to destroy you." Take a minute and picture a lion, quite hungry, looking for someone to devour. Yikes! We know we do not have to be afraid, because God is all powerful and the devil is not. The Lord wasn't trying to scare us, He wants us to be on alert! To consciously attack each thought, each moment, each day, so that we may get stronger in HIS power, and able to finish strong.

C.S. Lewis' book "The Screwtape Letters" is a book of letters from one demon, Uncle Screwtape, to his minion, Wormwood. It allows you to understand some of the ways they work against us. Really interesting, kind of creepy and extremely insightful. Their main goal is distraction and to keep us shallow. The enemy aims to keep us from digging deeper and experiencing true sorrow for our own sins, and from a close relationship with Christ. Because the closer we get to Jesus, the stronger we become, and we will be less likely to cave under attack.

I like this image- think of a child, afraid. They run for their mom or dad. They know that they need their parent. Then the child is fully assured of his or her safety. When we are afraid, and we run to Him, we are safe. He is our refuge, our place of safety (Psalm 91:2)

Stand strong and fight this battle! It's time to go on the offensive, rather than be rendered useless by all the cares of this world. Recognize that you ARE in a spiritual battle and fight with the full armor of God.
(I will blog soon about what all this armor means, but in the meantime look up Eph. 6:10-12)