Don't change settings! Fight the fear!

Every good story includes the following three parts: the setting, the crisis, and the resolution. No precarious situation continues on at a crisis level for long. There will be a peak of the craziness, and then it resolves. Until the next crisis, anyways. :)

Sometimes, though, when the crisis level hits, we often back down and change settings. We freak out. We get neurotic. We escape and avoid dealing with the conflict. I realized how refreshing the idea of changing settings is as I drove on a road trip yesterday. If life gets hard, I can just move wherever. I have no ties anywhere, really. Just me and the kids, hit the road. I could be a gypsy. :) Unfortunately, if the problem is occurring because of something in us that is broken, it will likely keep happening until you actually deal with it. Deal with whatever the issue is, do it scared, but don't back down. Accept God's healing. Allow yourself to get to the resolution. The issue may resolve the way you'd like, the way you think it will, or it may not. Maybe you'll surprise yourself.

The important thing is that you'll never grow and advance out of the same cycle of problems if you don't push through the crisis.

I love the Serenity Prayer, and appreciate it more now than ever: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

You can't change others. You can't heal them. You can't make them like you. However, you can change your actions; they are fully within your control. You can change the voices in your head and make them like you instead. (Thanks, Pink, for the inspiration there!) No one else can do it for you. Be well! Make healthy choices. Know what you want/need, what is best for you, what God is speaking to you, and go for it! Be bold, be strong, for the Lord God is with you. :)

I'm right alongside you, taking God's hand and asking for courage to take chances, to make changes in my life for the better. There's nothing impossible with Him; all bets are off. Let's do this!

Eyes on ME

Today was one of those days. Didn't sleep well, headache, sore neck, new medication making me feel yucky, etc. Add in stress and a tummyache and I really just wanted to check out of today, maybe skip to next week.

But I started my day with Jesus. And that made all the difference. I used to be so envious of all those perky Christians that had their quiet time every day. I'm pretty undisciplined in most areas, so that never quite worked out for me, even when I tried really, really hard. For whatever reason, I've been thriving on those times alone with Him (and my coffee) this past year. This morning was no different, a balm to my soul.

I was more prepared to handle the junk of today because of what soothed my spirit this morning: peace. HIS peace. Utmost was right on, as usual- "Are you looking unto Jesus now, in the immediate matter that is pressing and receiving from Him peace?...If you try to worry it out, you obliterate Him.."

My friend also sent me a passage about anxiety that caught my attention: "My child, when you are tired, do not be disheartened. Most of your discouragement comes when you carry your own burden, forgetting to call upon Me for help. Give Me everything..."

Confession: I'm a worrier. I struggle with anxiety to begin with, so if you throw in a few other variables, it's near impossible to keep my mind from going in circles. I worry, and fret, and it gets me nowhere. But then God reminds me who is in control.

I remembered the story in Matthew 14 when Peter gets out of the boat and walks to Jesus on the water. When my eyes are on me and the mess around me, I begin to sink, but like Peter, if I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can walk confidently on what looks completely impossible.

We used to have a thing we'd say to preschoolers when we need their attention: "1,2,3, eyes on me!" I imagined Jesus looking me in the eyes and saying that to me. "Focus!" So that was my mantra today when my mind began to stress. Eyes on ME. When I felt inferior. Eyes on ME. When I felt afraid. Eyes on ME.

Cause here's the thing: it's not that I don't struggle. Don't trust someone who tells you they never struggle with the junk in life. I just know where to go to get rid of the burden on my shoulders. And when you allow yourself to rest in His presence, lemme tell ya, it's a beautiful thing.

What a difference 10 years makes...

On the way home, driving I-40 with the windows down, "Yellow" by Coldplay blaring...I did some reminiscing.

This same time 10 years ago I was cruising around town holding hands with the hottest guy I knew listening to that same song. A year later I became his wife. I felt like I was learning how to fly.

10 years later, I'm his widow. So mind-blowing. So much excitement and hope in that beginning. Totally innocent of what was to come. I had to learn how to fall.

In some ways, I live life differently now. More willing to do things that scare me, to take risks, to take leaps of faith. Some days I'm strong, some days I'm weak, but I've learned to be more patient with myself. I've seen how fragile and transient life is: we're never promised tomorrow. Each day truly is a gift, and a gift to be used well because once it's gone you can't reclaim it. I don't want to make it to 85 and feel like I let my life slip by, I want to live presently each day.

Although my outlook is a little different, I still have remnants of that innocence and hope inside what I fondly call "my little girl heart." I don't want to live with the fear of losing other loved ones. I want to have hope for each new day. I choose optimism. You may say I'm not realistic: I'm just choosing to hope, even if things look a little bleak.

The marvelous thing that hit me this morning is that God works ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Everything. It did not say, God works everything except that stupid thing you did when you called ______ a ______. Or everything except that time you lied to your boss. Or when tragic, hurtful, awful things happen...He works those for our good!!!

But...but...don't I have to do something? I mean, surely that's too good to be true. I've done lots of dumb stuff, I've been heartbroken, I've hurt others, and really? ALL those things He is gonna work out in my favor???

It just doesn't make sense. But HE is GOD. He's so far above us we'll never understand it. How does He work everything for my good? I have no clue. What I do know is that He chose me before I chose Him, and when I bound my hand to His He promised He'd never let go. And He keeps His promises.

So let's live each day knowing how precious it is! No matter what is going on in your life, remember HE is working everything out in your favor. The story doesn't end here. We're learning to fly.

Finding rest in the craziness of life...

Life feels like a never ending cycle of ups and downs. It usually levels out to be boring in between those times, but it can be so hard to keep our wits about us when things get crazy. I'm such an emotionally driven person that it feels extra difficult to live in peace despite circumstances.

This morning I was reading "My Utmost" and it was perfect for dealing with the emotional upheaval of life. When the life we live in Him is attacked from the outside, it's easy to get caught up in a wrestling match in our heads. Internalized thinking, chewing, getting stuck on something over and over. But all that yuck has a solution: anything that disturbs our rest in Him can be cured by Him.

Matthew 11:28 is such a simple, beautiful passage from Jesus. NASB says it like this: "Come to me, all who are weary, and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." I also love the Message version: "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest."

Things come along and occupy our minds, our hearts, our time. We quickly become separated from Him, bit by bit. It's impossible to react well to situations when I'm not close to Him. The things that overwhelm me and keep me from true rest and peace aren't taken care of by ignoring them. Spending time with Him and abiding in Him are the answers to finding REST and PEACE.

"Beware of anything that is going to split up your oneness with Him and make you see yourself separately." O. Chambers. Nothing can separate us from His love!

This was so refreshing to me, and necessary to remember. When things are getting crazy, get alone with Him. Ask Him for rest! The kind only He can give. You will still have to deal with whatever problem is going on, but you won't be going round and round in your head trying to find a solution. Let's let Him take the burden and give us rest. After all, He's the boss in the life recovery business. :)

Shattering that sheds the light forth..

I've been reading this great little book by Lilias Trotter, "Parables of the Christ-life." Lilias was a female missionary to Algeria in the late 1800s/early 1900s. I'm so inspired by the things she writes; thank you Kim for sending me this book! :)

This morning I read something that gave me a lot to think about. It was regarding being broken, or being in a place of brokenness.

"...He (God) may have to stop using us for a time, that He may deepen this work within and bring us to utter brokenness."

God Himself brings us to a place of brokenness. Even though you may be the one struggling with addiction, He's holding your hand, walking you through the darkness.

"Conscious weakness...is one thing: brokenness is another. We may know that we are but earthen pitchers, like Gideon's, with nothing of our own but the light within, and yet we may not have passed through the shattering that sheds the light forth."

Being at rock bottom, being broken, doesn't mean you have failed. It doesn't mean anyone else has failed you either.

I remembered a discussion I had with friends about accountability. That perhaps, if we were held more accountable by our friends, we would never get to that lowest point. They could prevent some of that pain, agony and defeat. At the time, something didn't set right with me and that statement. I do agree that we should sharpen one another, offer guidance and advice as God prompts us. But it's such a precarious thing, to hold someone else "accountable," because we have to take care of our own junk before we poke at someone else's.

Here's another thing, which Oswald Chambers pointed out: "No one dare interfere with the discipline of suffering in another saint." To us, someone suffering, reaching the end of their rope, may look like complete disaster. Yet we must remember that God is in control.

Sometimes the breaking is just part of the process to let the light shine through the cracks! What a beautiful thought.  Don't feel like it's all over because you're at a low point. Realize that you're right on track to get back up. I can know in my mind that I am just a created human being, but until I come to the place where all I have is Jesus, I still am self-sufficient when it comes down to it.

"When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned..." (Isaiah 43:2)

You will get through the brokenness with the God of all creation by your side. Leaning into Him, you will not be consumed by the struggle. The flames will not harm you. And after you are shattered, you will be able to shed a brilliant light that you could never manufacture on your own.

impatience...

In a good and perfect world, every blog I create would be new and mind blowing. However, reality is that God brings recurring themes in my life. Probably because they are areas that need growth. :)

Yesterday I was again reminded of just how very impatient I am. I. Hate. Waiting. Hate it. I can normally control my behavior, so perhaps no one can tell that waiting makes me feel like I will combust. But God knows. Oh does He ever!

I have a vision of where I'm going, what the future may become, and I want it now. I feel like I've certainly waited long enough. I look at things using my timeframe and feel like it's time to move forward. And I realized I'm so much like the Israelites. Stuck in the desert, circling, wondering if they are EVER gonna get to the promised land. Surely God should move us there by now!

I'm such a fool! Why in the world would I ever believe that God works in a way that conforms to my logic, to my sense of time?? He owns time. I'm a created being. It's ridiculous for me to rush Him along, to nag at Him, to be impatient with Him.

I learn so much from watching the birds from my front porch. They don't worry. They simply live, fly, eat, chirp. Once I remember who is in control, and remember there is a plan, and that I haven't foiled it, I am able to relax. Everything is used by Him for our growth. Nothing is discarded. The waiting times, though difficult for us, are when He is doing the slow, vital, behind the scenes stuff. Namely, helping me trash my will and my plans and lean into Him.

I love this: "We have not to produce out of our higher nature a lowliness and a patience and a purity of our own, but simply to let the pure, patient, lowly life of Jesus have its way in us by yieldingness to it and by faith in its indwelling might." I. Lilias Trotter

Simply yield to His work in you. Have faith that He will, once you let Him, create within you a life that resembles Christ. He's still in control; you are not forgotten.

I love remembering that no matter the detour, big or small, that I make on this path, He is right there with me. Never surprised. Knitting everything together into a masterpiece. I focus on the goal, on the endpoint of the journey, on the arrival; He is focused on the now, shaping the heart inside me.

What is love?

What is love? This world gets us all kinds of confused about what love is and what it should look like. There's family/sibling love, romantic love, love your neighbor, unrequited love, being "in love"...it all gets thrown around leaving us unsure of what love really means. 

So I go back to this: love is patient, love is kind. (1 Cor. 13:4) The verse keeps going but I think these two stand out. For me, oftentimes when I think of someone I love and am being impatient with, I am prompted: love is patient. FIRST, always, love is patient. Love can't be forced. Love can't be rushed. It takes time, cultivation, effort, action, and deliberate care. And when we interact with each other, we show love by being patient, and KIND. Treating others kindly can make such a difference!!

As followers of Jesus we are instructed to "love our neighbor." If we can begin to apply these two things alone, if we show patience and kindness to those we meet each day, we will be on track to loving well.

The trick is, we need God in us to really show love like that. 1 John 4:8 says God IS love. As in, that is part of how he is defined. With His power within our hearts, we have 24 hour access to the only One who is love, the One who can help us show love to others.

When you think of those you love, friends, family, spouses, significant others, etc...think: am I loving well? Am I being patient, and am I being kind? Lord, let your power flow through our hearts so we can show true love to each other.

(*Single ladies,  here's a hint: if you're waiting to meet your hubby-to-be, remember, love is patient! God is working on the behind the scenes work; practice patient love now so that it will perhaps be a habit later!)