some thoughts...

So here's a secret (or not-so-secret) about me: I tend to be a "fixer". I'm in recovery, but still. It's so hard to see friends go through tough situations. Especially when they are in hurtful relationships with others. It seems that we often settle for being treated so much less than we deserve, simply as created human beings. Yet Jesus said to turn the other cheek and to love your enemies. This is a pretty confusing paradox.

I think that it's important to treat one another in love, even if they are being unkind to you, because that is how we show Christ to others. And the power to be loving in the face of your enemies can only come from Him. If I draw from my own will to be kind when I don't feel like it, honestly, it isn't gonna last long. He is love, and allows me to love those around me. But does loving others mean accepting abuse? Being controlled by them? 

I've seen so much dysfunction. Manipulation. Mental abuse. Mind games. And I've got to be honest, I don't think that's the control God wants us under while we are on earth. HE offers a yoke that is light, not heavy or ill-fitting. Why would He desire us to be yoked to people that offer us the opposite of that? While the church is doing justly by encouraging people to abstain from sin and stay in marriages...sometimes I wonder if we aren't creating "shotgun marriages." Holding a "shotgun" to your head and forcing you to stay in a destructive place when the healthier choice is to be out. I've had friends that lived in anxiety, fear and depression be able to blossom and breathe freely once out of hurtful relationships. I know divorce is not God's best. But until we can see things from God's perspective in each situation and know exactly what is happening, I don't think it's fair for us to create the consequences ourselves. 

Get sound advice- from mentors, therapists, friends (who are walking with Jesus). Often times other people can see things with a different perspective, and if everyone else is advising that you're in a destructive relationship, it may be something to think about. But always, the most important thing you can do is to get time alone with Jesus. Wrestle with Him. Beseech Him. Get His instruction. Because while those around you can see a situation with a different perspective than you, only God sees the heart of both individuals. Only He knows the game plan. 

You're free to disagree with me. I feel like I've been chewing on this and seeking God about this a lot, and I'm on a learning curve here. But I want for those I love to feel the freedom of God's embrace, not to be trapped either by the snares of sin, or the noose of religious verdicts.

**UPDATE: I received some wise feedback from my Mom and realized I'd be remiss if it wasn't shared: "Not sure I agree on this one. We are called to forgive & love our enemmies. We also need to give God a chance to change hearts. Nothing is impossible with God. Seek Him & trust that HE can do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can think or ask according to the power HE works in us. NOTHING is impossible with God!!!!" I absolutely agree, Mom! I want to point out that I do not in any way believe that vows made in marriage are trivial. Too often, people bail because things are simply harder than they can handle. I think much prayer and patience is required in giving God time to heal and restore. This blog was intended to be my thoughts on relationships involving abuse, whether physical, verbal, or emotional. While they are still definitely NOT beyond the power of God's grace, I have a problem with the way the church handles those marriages, and the pressure some feel to stay together to keep in the favor of the church. 

He walks on the chaos of our lives...

I love when a familiar scripture I'm reading blows in like a breath of fresh air. Yesterday I was reading dear Mr. Oswald's "Utmost For His Highest" and it was a good devotional. Nothing that really rearranged my thinking, but still good. Then I looked at the scripture reference it gave just to see what it was about (Mark 6:45). And the cool thing was I got way more from exploring that story in the bible than I did the devotional. (I just think it's cool how God can use whatever, whenever to get into my mind/heart!)

It's the story of when the disciples were out boating in the middle of the sea at midnight, and they see a man walking on the water and freak out. (I totally think that's a justified reaction, by the way.)

"When it was evening, the boat was in the middle of the sea, and He (Jesus) was alone on the land. Seeing them straining at the oars, for the wind was against them, at about the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea; and He intended to pass by them. But when they saw Him walking on the sea, they supposed that it was a ghost, and cried out; for they all saw Him and were terrified. But immediately He spoke with them and said to them, "Take courage; it is I, do not be afraid." Then He got into the boat with them, and the wind stopped; and they were utterly astonished."


SO much jumped out of this at me. They were in the middle of the sea. Alone. Helpless. Sure, they may have felt confident until the storm came up. How often do we feel isolated in the tough stuff of life? But here's something reassuring- He was watching the whole time! (Seeing them straining at the oars). Jesus had not for one second forgotten them. He was always there.

Then He comes to them, and they freak out! They are obviously surprised by His presence. And not that we all wouldn't be surprised by a guy walking on water, but I think there's more to this. They weren't expecting Him. They weren't looking for Him. They weren't prepared for the miracle, because later when the storm stops, they are all utterly astonished! I wonder how many times I do that, get so caught up in the mess and trying to take care of it myself that I forget to look for Him and His help. Then when He does act, I'm surprised!

The other cool thing I like is that once they recognize Him, He IMMEDIATELY comforts them, and gets in the boat with them. He could have stayed on the shore, He could have calmed the storm with a word, but instead He does it with His presence!

This is not a distant God, but one who will leave His home to be with us in our pain.
He can walk on the storms, the chaos of our life. Not only that, but he gets in the boat WITH us and calms our hearts.

So let's look for Him in the midst of our suffering and expect the miracle. Be aware of His presence. Hold on to hope, it doesn't disappoint. (Romans 5:5)

fighting His love...

"so please, please, please, please cripple me, so I cannot keep running away..."*

I love the Elenowen song, "Cripple Me." So perfect for what I'm feeling right now. Every once in awhile I come across something in myself that I just can't figure out. I've realized there are moments when it's like I'm trying to find the bottom of His love. Maybe not consciously, but that childish rebellion is there all the same. Does it make any sense at all to fight the love of the only One who gives it so freely and unconditionally?

Can you relate? I try and try to be perfect, and then when I fail, not every time, but once in awhile, I almost feel like throwing in the towel and running in the opposite direction. Because I'm sure I can push Him to the point when He'll say "we're done here." And I'm convinced I'll never be enough.

But here's the great news: with God's love, there's never anything that can end it, not even ourselves. In Romans 8 (Msg), it says nothing can drive a wedge between us and His love. "Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture." "Nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable -absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way Jesus our Master has embraced us."

That's the truth y'all. HIS love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on us. So no matter how many times I try to test His patience, certain that this will be the time He sends me packing...His love is unconditional. I can rest in it and stop fighting.

That's so hard for me to grasp, because I live in a world in which the love I receive from those around me is largely based on what I do to earn it. So...repeat after me: "I do not have to earn Your love. I accept Your love for me."

Until I fully accept that in it's simple beauty, I pray that He will cripple me so I quit trying to run.

*Elenowen, "Cripple Me"on "Pulling Back The Veil"

To Jamaica we go...

After I traveled to Haiti in March, I felt certain that God was calling me into a life of missions. I have been happy to serve on a local level in Knoxville since then. Now I am excited to have the amazing opportunity to travel to Jamaica in October on a mission trip with Knoxlife Church.  My team and I leave October 16th for the Caribbean Christian Center for the Deaf. (CCCD) We will spending six days with youth, adults and families who are struggling to build lives for themselves in an environment not as friendly to those with disabilities as we are accustomed to.

In Jamaica, CCCD is caring for nearly 200 children, teens and adults on three campuses. In addition to the three campuses,  CCCD partners with several orphanages in the area spreading their resources with the most impoverished on this Caribbean island. More important than their disabilities, disease or the fact that they were abandoned is that each child has a talent and gift to share with the rest of the world. While in Jamaica we will care for and play with the children, while also performing different tasks and work projects, with the goal to make it a better place for the children to live.

I am looking forward to this opportunity to see the ways God uses all of us! The trip will not be easy by any means, so I am asking for your prayers- now, as we prepare, and especially during our time in Jamaica. Intense heat, real poverty, new situations, and the challenges of living simply and selflessly- we surely need to rely on prayer!

Please keep my fellow missionaries and me in your prayers, but most of all, please pray for the children we are going to serve. When you feel the love of your own children and family or are overcome with a feeling of gratitude for something in your own life – keep in mind that you have the power to make the children in Jamaica feel that way too.

In addition to your prayers you can also help the children by contributing to my fundraising effort. I’ve set a goal of $750 that I aim to raise, knowing that each dollar is working towards the care and health of the children. I also plan to bring a number of items with me that will assist in their care – if you would like to donate items, please contact me for my list.

I'm so thankful for your prayers and support – it means such a great deal to me personally and even so much more to the children I will serve. You are supporting me as I'm His hands and feet to them. 

I am simply blessed and in awe that God would offer me another chance to serve Him in this way. He is amazing! You can email me at jennifermccombs@me.com for information on donating funds or supplies. Every little bit helps!! :) 

To make whole

"Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity."- Hippocrates

Heal - (verb)- to make sound or whole, to restore to health; to cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome; to patch up. Synonyms: cure, fix, mend, rehabilitate.

I've had the above quote on my fridge for awhile, mostly because the picture it's on is beautiful, but also because it intrigues me. Of course healing takes time, but what does it mean to allow it an opportunity? And how can I give myself and God that opportunity for healing?

Healing is a process. We all have unseen injuries to our hearts that require time to heal. Sometimes they are small cuts, such as hurtful words from someone, and sometimes they are large lacerations, such as the death of a loved one. Sometimes we have been chronically injured over time, and the wounds are so deep healing seems impossible. In all case the path of healing has similarities: we may go through anger, denial, bargaining, and/or depression before we come to acceptance. But each person goes through all these differently. Even once acceptance is reached, sometimes the wound is opened back up and we may find ourselves in the anger camp again. There's no right way to walk the road of grief.

But this process HAS to happen. If it doesn't, healing can't occur. We have to allow ourselves to be angry, to be hurt, to grieve, so that we can be restored to health. I believe that is what the quote means: we have to provide ourselves opportunity to heal. It's so easy to be busy and avoid dealing with the hurts that have happened to our hearts. It's much easier to press on, to "forgive and forget" but never actually deal with the issue. Not dealing with the issue puts a small, temporary patch on the deeper pain. And when we do that, when we try to heal ourselves, it's like patching a leak in a dam with duct tape. No bueno.

While pain is uncomfortable (to put it mildly), it has to be felt and experienced before healing can occur. We have to be patient with ourselves and allow time for God to do what He does best; not just patch up, but to completely restore us to health. To use it all towards our good, to make us even better than before.

Jesus asks the man waiting by the water for 38 years in John 5:5-7 "Do you want to be well?"

I have to ask myself that, too. Do you want to be well? Will you allow the opportunity for Him to make you whole and repair your heart?

Do you have any other ways to interpret Hippocrates message in the quote above?

I AM HIS

We all wear masks. People hide their issues. Do we ever know one another as well as we think? I'm certain the only one who truly knows me, with all my flaws and failures, is Jesus. I write blogs; they let you see the parts of me I present and allow to be seen.

You may think you know me, but I could be presenting a totally false front. I could be a raging drunk. I could be a cutter, making tiny wounds to let out the pain. I could be addicted to drugs, pornography, or celebrity magazines. I could be deeply, miserably caught in the throes of depression. I could be bulemic, anorexic, racist, abusive, schizophrenic, OCD....

You don't know me. And this applies to every person you meet. Always.

But I am not my issues. I am not my obsessions. I am not my struggles. I am not my addictions. This also applies to every person you meet.

I AM HIS. I am not defined by what I do, think, or feel. I am not the snapshot you take and hold up in front of you. I am not good, but I AM HIS. That alone defines me.

When you see someone, look past the external, because we are all created by Him, for Him. And He is the only one who sees the real person inside the shell.

And when this world passes away, when I draw my last breath and enter into His presence, I will only be identified by one thing: I AM HIS. I will be acceptable before God because of Jesus' blood. Everything that I have been on earth will be gone forever, but for this: I AM HIS.

Nothing has rocked my world quite like that. I hope it does yours, too. Don't let anyone tell you who you are, don't tell yourself you are less than what you could be- be His.

He chooses the weak...

Although my favorite books of the bible are usually Psalms and Hebrews, I've been reading the gospels lately. I want to read the words Jesus said, you know, the red letters. :) This morning I was reading Luke 14.

Verse 12-13 says that when you throw a party, don't invite those that can repay you, like your friends and family, but invite those that can't, like the poor, the crippled, the lame and the blind. In the following verses He tells a story about a dinner party. The master gets everything ready, and when the invited guests are told it's time to come to the party, they all have excuses. So the (angry) master sends out for all those who weren't originally invited, again, the poor, crippled, blind and lame. And He states "none of those men who were invited will taste of my dinner." Instead, the ones that filled the banquet hall were the least, the uninvited, the poor.

It made me think of the friends I've made in Knoxville that are homeless. I understood that Jesus has more love and tenderness and want in His heart for them then He does those that play dress up for church every Sunday. The ones that think they are self-sufficient on their own merit, that give Him excuses, or ignore His call completely; they will not taste of His dinner. He wants the ones the world disregards. The ones everyone else gives up on, looks down upon. Have you ever felt hopeless? He wants you at His party, in His company. 

In Oswald's book today, it talked about relying on yourself. What quality in yourself are you depending on? God can do more with the weak than the strong. Will you believe that God can use you in your weakness for great things? Will you give up your self-reliance to lean completely on Him? 

I love that we serve a God who chooses to dine with sinners, who embraces the weak, who lifts up the poor in spirit. There is none like Him. 

True peace

I hate the times I experience something cool with Jesus but don't know how to write it. So I'm gonna do my best, bear with me. :)

I've been on a learning curve trying to understand my relationship with Christ as it truly is. No more balancing sins with good works, earning my way into His favor. "Well, I did give that guy a dollar, so I'm a pretty good person." It's easy to get caught up in believing that if we are DOING good, we are good. And while good works are part of the fruit we bear as followers of Jesus, they aren't what justifies us as "clean."

I am clean because of the blood of Jesus. It's been done. I accept it. He adores me. I don't deserve it. Still, it is so. Yet I have a history of perfectionism and striving for approval that weighs upon me. Simply accepting His never-ending love for me is difficult. So when I stumble, I hate myself for it. I want to be just like Jesus. I want to never sin. I am upset by my human tendencies. What a mess!

What I have learned through my struggles is that I cling much tighter to His side when I know I'm slipping. I know that He is holding my hand (he says so in Psalms) and so I can continue to hold on to Him each step of the way. And if struggles, as painful as they may be, bring me closer to Christ, then I will be thankful for them.

Recently I prayed for His protection, because I want to please Him. I want to walk in such a way that I can live a life on Earth that is blessed. I don't want to reap the consequences of poor choices, but rather to be able to grab onto the gifts He gives. I know I may have to wait a long time to see some of those gifts, but love is first and foremost patient. There is nothing loving about rushing God to give us what we want.

After that prayer, I felt such a feeling of being covered by Him. If something is giving you anxiety, cry out to Him, He does hear you! I know I don't deserve His love or protection, but I am speechless with gratitude that He would carry me through the fire into a place of peace.

Peace. Isn't that what we all want, really? Jesus, thank you for giving true peace that runs deep.

He is holding my hand..

I'm the kinda gal that needs to be well rested and fed to be at my best. I haven't been making time for sleep, so I'm way past tired. And when I'm tired, my emotions seem to control my thinking. The past few days I've really felt in the midst of a struggle. Somedays it's so hard to even be aware of the fact that you're there, you just get on the "crazy-go-round" and take off. But it feels so heavy, so impossible, I just want to escape. Yet how can I escape myself?

Tonight, I'd had enough. There were no immediate solutions in my head. But I knew where to find answers. When I am burdened, weary, and heavy hearted, I go to Jesus. Sometimes He speaks through the bible, sometimes through a friend. I am blessed beyond measure by a sweet friend who sends me scriptures and other words of encouragement nearly every day. What she sent today was exactly what I needed.

"Nothing can live in unbroken sunshine. Constant joy and happiness, with no clouds on the horizon, produces drought. Nonstop sunshine only creates desert. We don't enjoy storms, but they're an essential part of a complete life, and the key to victory comes in finding how to weather the storms of life in such a way that they don't distract us from our secret life in God."

Whatever stress/anxiety/emotional weight I've got right now, it's just another storm. I've been through them before, and I'll be through more in the future, because that's how I'll grow! And I know exactly where to hide when the storm is raging: "under His wings you may seek refuge." "She will call upon me and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble; I will rescue her and honor her." (Psalm 91:4, 91:15) "When she falls, she will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds her hand." (Psalm 37:24)

He will be with me in trouble. He will honor me. That alone is unbelievable. But think about it: "I will be with her in trouble." "When she falls." These are very deliberate statements. They clearly indicate there will be trouble. No getting around it. So it shouldn't surprise me that from time to time, I experience a storm. And I realized how dull and boring and flat my life would be if I just did the same thing perfectly every day. Complete monotony. Just like the seasons and the weather change, so shall we. We were designed for a life of change and growth, not monotony.

What gives me the greatest hope is that when I come out of the storm, regardless of the outcome, I am bound to Christ. He is always with me. He is committed to staying by my side from this world to the next. All of this mess has much less weight when I keep that in mind.

He is holding my hand. What a lucky girl I am, indeed.

No more hiding...

Lately, when I get away to spend time with Jesus, I am beyond comforted by the image of just resting in His arms, with my head against His chest. I get a little teary because His tender love is so palpable. So unconditional. So beyond my understanding. But He always, always holds me close, no matter what I've done/thought/said that day. There's never anything but grace and love spilling from His face. 

This morning I realized something. I've always heard "sin separates us from God," and that is the premise for Jesus coming to set us free and bring us back home. Makes sense to me. But what I realized  is that when we get so distracted by the weight of our sin, the self-hatred of not living up to our own expectations, we hide. Just like Adam and Eve in the garden. Just like kids who stole cookies from the cookie jar, faces covered with chocolate. We hide because we feel ashamed. 

That, I believe, is the biggest trick of the devil. Because the whole time God is right there. Looking for us. Calling our name, arms open. Like in the story of the prodigal son, when the son comes back, the father runs to him. I love that image of an old man running to his son. He wants nothing more than to BE with us. Can you grasp that?? 

I don't want to believe the lies anymore. I don't want to be deceived into thinking that I have to live in absolute perfection, following the law to a tee, to be able to be in the presence of my Father. The only true peace I've ever felt is in His arms. Even when I'm not living up to who I want to be. I'm not suggesting sin is a thing to be embraced. What I am saying is that I am my own worst enemy when I allow my disgust for my sin to become bigger than God's grace. I lose focus of where I belong. 

Think about what's holding you back from being held in His arms of grace. Throw it off, and run to Him. It's where you belong.