some thoughts...

So here's a secret (or not-so-secret) about me: I tend to be a "fixer". I'm in recovery, but still. It's so hard to see friends go through tough situations. Especially when they are in hurtful relationships with others. It seems that we often settle for being treated so much less than we deserve, simply as created human beings. Yet Jesus said to turn the other cheek and to love your enemies. This is a pretty confusing paradox.

I think that it's important to treat one another in love, even if they are being unkind to you, because that is how we show Christ to others. And the power to be loving in the face of your enemies can only come from Him. If I draw from my own will to be kind when I don't feel like it, honestly, it isn't gonna last long. He is love, and allows me to love those around me. But does loving others mean accepting abuse? Being controlled by them? 

I've seen so much dysfunction. Manipulation. Mental abuse. Mind games. And I've got to be honest, I don't think that's the control God wants us under while we are on earth. HE offers a yoke that is light, not heavy or ill-fitting. Why would He desire us to be yoked to people that offer us the opposite of that? While the church is doing justly by encouraging people to abstain from sin and stay in marriages...sometimes I wonder if we aren't creating "shotgun marriages." Holding a "shotgun" to your head and forcing you to stay in a destructive place when the healthier choice is to be out. I've had friends that lived in anxiety, fear and depression be able to blossom and breathe freely once out of hurtful relationships. I know divorce is not God's best. But until we can see things from God's perspective in each situation and know exactly what is happening, I don't think it's fair for us to create the consequences ourselves. 

Get sound advice- from mentors, therapists, friends (who are walking with Jesus). Often times other people can see things with a different perspective, and if everyone else is advising that you're in a destructive relationship, it may be something to think about. But always, the most important thing you can do is to get time alone with Jesus. Wrestle with Him. Beseech Him. Get His instruction. Because while those around you can see a situation with a different perspective than you, only God sees the heart of both individuals. Only He knows the game plan. 

You're free to disagree with me. I feel like I've been chewing on this and seeking God about this a lot, and I'm on a learning curve here. But I want for those I love to feel the freedom of God's embrace, not to be trapped either by the snares of sin, or the noose of religious verdicts.

**UPDATE: I received some wise feedback from my Mom and realized I'd be remiss if it wasn't shared: "Not sure I agree on this one. We are called to forgive & love our enemmies. We also need to give God a chance to change hearts. Nothing is impossible with God. Seek Him & trust that HE can do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can think or ask according to the power HE works in us. NOTHING is impossible with God!!!!" I absolutely agree, Mom! I want to point out that I do not in any way believe that vows made in marriage are trivial. Too often, people bail because things are simply harder than they can handle. I think much prayer and patience is required in giving God time to heal and restore. This blog was intended to be my thoughts on relationships involving abuse, whether physical, verbal, or emotional. While they are still definitely NOT beyond the power of God's grace, I have a problem with the way the church handles those marriages, and the pressure some feel to stay together to keep in the favor of the church.