Shall not be wanting...

As I drove home today, I imagined what I must seem like sometimes. Right now, in particular. I felt like a child on a leash harness, straining and tugging against it to get at what they want. God is holding me back, assuring me that there is something even better, and would I please just walk next to Him nicely? (If I was the parent I would probably be losing my temper, lucky for me God has a lot of patience!)

Every now and then, I draw near to Him, walk in step with Him, and feel peace. But then something catches my eye or interest and I tug, saying "I want that, I want that, please, Papa! I think that looks like a good plan!"And again, patiently He says "Wait."

I wish I could stay in those peaceful resting times. I wish I refused to become distracted by what I see around me, and by the plans and ideas I come up with for myself. He has the unique ability to see the WHOLE picture- the past, present and future. He alone knows how he can weave this beautiful tapestry to use me to the fullest. All of our experiences, all those we connect with are used to the glory of God. All I can see is where I am at right now. It only makes sense to cast all my cares on him and believe.

The song "The house of God, forever" by Jon Foreman has been in my head for DAYS! Such a perfect song for peace, and to remind us of His goodness. I encourage you to listen to it twice! Get it stuck in your head :) It is based on Psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23.

I am still running

Jon Foreman writes some amazing, broken, honest music. It has helped me put song and lyrics to what's stirring in my soul. This song is called "I Am Still Running"and I love it. It helps me remember no matter how broken, no matter how confused, or even when I think I'm doing well...my home is in Him.

I love Jesus more than anything. And yet, sometimes I run, trying to earn grace, trying to hide from pain and hurt. But everyone who runs away is always welcomed back with open arms. Sometimes in life, we experience a winter season. If you are broken today, just let it all go. Give it to Him. Make your home in His open arms and allow the healing to begin. And soon, you may be able to feel the warmth of spring.



I had no idea the pain would be this strong
I had no idea the fight would last this long
In my darkest fears the rights become the wrongs
I am still running, I am still running

Build me a home inside your scars
Build me a home inside your song
Build me a home inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong
Inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong

The miracle of Allison

We worship a God who works wonders (Psalm 77:14). Works. Present tense. And we can be fully assured that He is a God who never changes. Malachi 3:6 says, "I am the Lord, and I do not change." Therefore, if we fail to see wonders/miracles today, has He changed from who HE is? Or is it something else?

I've been learning in a Beth Moore study about this aspect of our faith life. It is her belief through evaluating scriptures that even though we may be in an era that is "seeing" less miracles, that doesn't mean that they do not or will not occur. As children of God, we are welcome to request anything in His name. That doesn't guarantee He will do what we ask, but we have the privilege to do so. Sometimes, the Lord in His gracious sovereignty allows the miracles to be internal rather than external. I can testify to that personally, because even though He chose not to heal my husband on earth, I have received a greater miracle of an irreplaceable closeness with Him. He has developed new, amazing things within me because of the suffering that I went through.

Sometimes, miracles occur that we didn't ask for; that we may not even recognize at the time. Allison, I believe is a miracle. She was God's from the start, without my knowledge or control.

When I was 34 weeks pregnant, my water broke. I was about 90% sure this was so, however NO practitioner would agree with me. 48 hours later, I went into premature labor. We went to the hospital and I was given medication and sent home. Between 34 and 36 weeks, I went in and out of labor, and went to the OB repeatedly because I was sure something wasn't quite right. No physician saw any cause for concern. On the contrary, I think they were probably tired of me!
At my 36 week check up, I really pressed the issue with my midwife. She decided to do a quick, simple test to check for any amniotic fluid. At this point, she was just humoring me.

She came back in and said it was time to have a baby! Indeed, my water was broken. "How long has it been that way?" she asked. "Oh, about 2 weeks," I replied.

"TWO weeks?!" That is no good in the OB world. In fact, most doctors will not let you go past 48 hours with broken water due to an increased risk of infection for both mother and baby.

I was immediately induced and had Allison about 8 hours later. She wasn't able to breathe properly and was escorted to Children's NICU for 10 days.

Now, there is a miracle here that I didn't see at first. In fact, I was pretty devastated. But His hand is oh so evident.

Had Allison been born at 34 weeks, there is no telling how long her stay in the NICU would have been. She may have had many complications from being so premature, and that extra two week stay in the womb allowed her to gain ~2 lb. (She was 5 lb. vs 3 lb.) Each day in the womb for a preemie equals about a week's stay or more in the NICU. Despite my constant appointments and concerns, not ONE doctor did that amniotic fluid test. Had they, I would have been induced at that time and Allison could've been at greater risk.

The fact that neither she nor I suffered any consequences from a 2 week exposure to infection is a miracle in itself. The womb is designed to be a nearly sterile place. The amniotic sac keeps harmful bacteria from entering the womb and growing there. This scenario alone should have caused issues. In fact, most health professionals in this field are very impressed that no infection occurred during that period. This is a mark of the hand of God.

So despite all the ways things could have worked out otherwise, and while I was completely in the dark of what was really going on, my God was in control. He was working all things together for my good and for Allison's good as well. He could have allowed suffering in this situation, and He didn't. (I got to experience some of that later.) But the best part is that I can trust Him no matter what. No matter how dire the situation, no matter how beyond my control it is, I can cast all my cares on Him, because He cares for me! (1 Peter 5:7)

So believe! Believe, and ask! Your faith delights the Lord: "without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6) If you believe little, you will likely see little, and then continue to believe little. It is a vicious cycle.

I understand that sometimes He doesn't give you the miracle you are seeking. Sometimes really horrible stuff happens anyways. And it seems there is no reason, no answer. Maybe you feel angry at God, and afraid to believe Him. It only makes sense that you might feel that way. But I promise you that out of every hurt comes something better, richer, and more valuable. I can say that to be true because I experienced it. He truly does work all things together for the good of those who love Him. You can trust Him. He is faithful. He is love. He is weeping with you as you suffer, as He once suffered on earth as well. He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5) That's a promise from your Creator, dear friend. Believe it!!

Whose image is it anyway??

 The definition of the word image is: a reproduction or imitation of the form of a person or thing. So who or what are we reproducing or imitating in the image we project? In our culture, there is a heavy focus on our self-image. How do we feel about ourselves, how do we perceive ourselves? Feelings and thoughts about ourselves become very foundational to how we behave and interact in relationships. According to the world's standards, our image defines who we are, and determines where we fall on the scale of "coolness". Acceptance stems from our image. There are a million articles on improving your self-image, changing your image, even self-image tests. The cosmetics industry makes millions/billions of dollars a year on the fact that we feel it necessary to project a certain image. From clothes to makeup to hair products to perfume to fad diets to surgery-


When did we decide that what God declared to be "very good" was not good enough?


In Genesis 1, God created the heavens, the earth, light and darkness, water, vegetation, animals, fish, birds, and more. But He wasn't quite satisfied. So He said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to our likeness." Then He "created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him; male and female He created them." At the end of the all the creating, "God saw ALL that He had made, and behold, it was very good."


All He had made. Was very good.


I get the distinct impression that no additional improvements were needed. I mean, certainly if the One who made the creation declared it very good, then what was made is complete.


Would you alter the statue of David? What kind of augmentation would be appropriate for the Mona Lisa? Each piece of art has been declared complete by it's maker- it would be foolish to alter it.


 How about the sunsets or sunrises? What would you do to increase their beauty? Could anyone add anything to Niagara Falls? Beauty is all around us, crafted by the hands of God Himself. There is nothing needed to add to the beauty. In fact, it seems foolish to think that we could add anything to improve upon the natural wonders God has made. Women have been created the same way, and each one of us was knit together with purpose by the Father in heaven. Psalm 139:13 says that He knit us together in our mother's womb. Verse 14 says we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." So why, dear sisters, do we allow the world to tell us we are not? Why do we insist that we are less than wonderful in our plainest state?


Please understand, I am all for good hygiene! I think we need to take care of what God has made by eating healthfully, staying physically fit, and keeping ourselves squeaky clean :) . But for whom do we "put our face on" every day? For whom are we having physical augmentation done to our bodies? The cosmetic surgery industry is estimated to reach or exceed $7 billion in revenues in the year 2013, up from $4.4 billion in 2008. What kind of dent could we put on global poverty and starving children with that $7 billion?? Just a thought.


Please also understand something very important, "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1) If you have had cosmetic surgery- Christ doesn't condemn you, and neither do I. If you are imitating the world with your image- Christ doesn't condemn you, and neither do I.

I am simply trying to speak truth into your heart. You are formed after God. You are created in HIS image! Don't let the world tell you who you need to be and look like to have value. God Himself made you and said you were very good. Let us truly be set apart, not just by our actions, but in our image. Be satisfied with what He has made. It is more than simply "good enough", it is very good! There is nothing you need to purchase that can improve it. Allow the value He gives you to define how you see yourself. Amen?

Drifting

I meant to add this to the post yesterday. Great song, stuck in my head this week..

I love you, too...

This week has been a little really rough. Last week and the weekend seemed great, I felt great; full of joy. This week...pffft. Not so much. Kinda empty and confused and swirly inside. Not so fun. I still had my quiet time, but didn't feel the joy of new revelations from the Lord. I knew He was there, I could see Him smile in my mind if I tried real hard...

but I didn't feel how I wanted to feel.

Have you been there? I began to notice how I was searching in my mind for something to make me happy. Something to distract myself, or fill the void. Food? Chocolate? TV/Movies? A book? A beer? Internet? Shopping? (I have temporarily suspended my shopping privileges :) ) I couldn't find joy in any of them even if I had tried. Luckily, I didn't try, because I had been prepared for this experience by a sweet woman named Angela.

A week ago, at The Well (woo woo!), we received a message about allowing yourself to be emptied so that God himself can fill you. The speaker showed us how we all have periods of emptiness and we (very successfully) distract ourselves with temporary joys, to avoid that feeling. At the time, I was feeling fine. Then Monday hit, and it was my turn. Funny how that works :)

Knowing what she said was true, how then could I have turned around Monday morning and sought all those temporary things? Knowing that when I seek HIM with my whole heart, then I will find Him (Jer. 29:13). And He will "guide me always and satisfy my needs"(Isaiah 58:11). In Psalm 139, it says "where can I go from Your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, behold, you are there....If I say, "surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and even the light around me will be night," even the darkness is not dark to you, and the night is as bright as the day."

YET, knowing and feeling are often two different things. So all week, I sought God. I repeated to myself what is true. I repeated that He is in control. I remembered that my yucky feelings will fade, and my joy will return. I asked God to fill me with Him so that I might feel the joy of His presence again. Needless to say, it seemed like a long week!

This morning in the car I was listening to Beth Moore...she told us that God had told her instead of saying, "I love you Lord," to say, "I love you, too." You see, we love Him because He first loved us. God is love. Just like I am female. He is love. It is His essence. As such, He is the initiator of love in this relationship. He loved me first. I love him, too. I really needed to hear and say that. It started to shake the dust off my heart.

And so, for the rest of the day, I continued on pushing through, praying, trying to embrace the present as much as I could in my lowly state of heart. This evening, I had a candle-light "date night" with my kids. Pizza, ridiculously sugary dessert, and "The Master of Disguise." Somewhere in that time, my heart started to feel joy again. As we snuggled, watching the movie, I thought, it's back! Whew! That was not a fun week.

Sometimes, it takes persistent energy to shake off the hold of the devil and this world and cling to the truth. To grab onto Jesus. Often times, our emotions will lead us astray if we allow them. When we are tired, hormonal, lonely, whatever- it can be very, very rough. If we are lucky, we have friends and family that hold us up when we are having a bad day. But if we are blessed, we have heard and believed the truth about our Lord, and allow (beg!) for Him to hold us up on our bad days.

He's always there. Whether it feels like it or not. Press on. Seek Him with all your heart. He WILL satisfy all your needs.

And don't forget to tell Him you love Him, too. :)