I love you, too...

This week has been a little really rough. Last week and the weekend seemed great, I felt great; full of joy. This week...pffft. Not so much. Kinda empty and confused and swirly inside. Not so fun. I still had my quiet time, but didn't feel the joy of new revelations from the Lord. I knew He was there, I could see Him smile in my mind if I tried real hard...

but I didn't feel how I wanted to feel.

Have you been there? I began to notice how I was searching in my mind for something to make me happy. Something to distract myself, or fill the void. Food? Chocolate? TV/Movies? A book? A beer? Internet? Shopping? (I have temporarily suspended my shopping privileges :) ) I couldn't find joy in any of them even if I had tried. Luckily, I didn't try, because I had been prepared for this experience by a sweet woman named Angela.

A week ago, at The Well (woo woo!), we received a message about allowing yourself to be emptied so that God himself can fill you. The speaker showed us how we all have periods of emptiness and we (very successfully) distract ourselves with temporary joys, to avoid that feeling. At the time, I was feeling fine. Then Monday hit, and it was my turn. Funny how that works :)

Knowing what she said was true, how then could I have turned around Monday morning and sought all those temporary things? Knowing that when I seek HIM with my whole heart, then I will find Him (Jer. 29:13). And He will "guide me always and satisfy my needs"(Isaiah 58:11). In Psalm 139, it says "where can I go from Your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, behold, you are there....If I say, "surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and even the light around me will be night," even the darkness is not dark to you, and the night is as bright as the day."

YET, knowing and feeling are often two different things. So all week, I sought God. I repeated to myself what is true. I repeated that He is in control. I remembered that my yucky feelings will fade, and my joy will return. I asked God to fill me with Him so that I might feel the joy of His presence again. Needless to say, it seemed like a long week!

This morning in the car I was listening to Beth Moore...she told us that God had told her instead of saying, "I love you Lord," to say, "I love you, too." You see, we love Him because He first loved us. God is love. Just like I am female. He is love. It is His essence. As such, He is the initiator of love in this relationship. He loved me first. I love him, too. I really needed to hear and say that. It started to shake the dust off my heart.

And so, for the rest of the day, I continued on pushing through, praying, trying to embrace the present as much as I could in my lowly state of heart. This evening, I had a candle-light "date night" with my kids. Pizza, ridiculously sugary dessert, and "The Master of Disguise." Somewhere in that time, my heart started to feel joy again. As we snuggled, watching the movie, I thought, it's back! Whew! That was not a fun week.

Sometimes, it takes persistent energy to shake off the hold of the devil and this world and cling to the truth. To grab onto Jesus. Often times, our emotions will lead us astray if we allow them. When we are tired, hormonal, lonely, whatever- it can be very, very rough. If we are lucky, we have friends and family that hold us up when we are having a bad day. But if we are blessed, we have heard and believed the truth about our Lord, and allow (beg!) for Him to hold us up on our bad days.

He's always there. Whether it feels like it or not. Press on. Seek Him with all your heart. He WILL satisfy all your needs.

And don't forget to tell Him you love Him, too. :)