"so please, please, please, please cripple me, so I cannot keep running away..."*
I love the Elenowen song, "Cripple Me." So perfect for what I'm feeling right now. Every once in awhile I come across something in myself that I just can't figure out. I've realized there are moments when it's like I'm trying to find the bottom of His love. Maybe not consciously, but that childish rebellion is there all the same. Does it make any sense at all to fight the love of the only One who gives it so freely and unconditionally?
Can you relate? I try and try to be perfect, and then when I fail, not every time, but once in awhile, I almost feel like throwing in the towel and running in the opposite direction. Because I'm sure I can push Him to the point when He'll say "we're done here." And I'm convinced I'll never be enough.
But here's the great news: with God's love, there's never anything that can end it, not even ourselves. In Romans 8 (Msg), it says nothing can drive a wedge between us and His love. "Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture." "Nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable -absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way Jesus our Master has embraced us."
That's the truth y'all. HIS love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on us. So no matter how many times I try to test His patience, certain that this will be the time He sends me packing...His love is unconditional. I can rest in it and stop fighting.
That's so hard for me to grasp, because I live in a world in which the love I receive from those around me is largely based on what I do to earn it. So...repeat after me: "I do not have to earn Your love. I accept Your love for me."
Until I fully accept that in it's simple beauty, I pray that He will cripple me so I quit trying to run.
*Elenowen, "Cripple Me"on "Pulling Back The Veil"
Thanks for writing this Jen; it really hit home with me. Praying that I would be "crippled" too
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