Repentance= a hopeful heart

Ok, so I am amazingly exhausted and should be going to bed. But I really felt that I needed to quickly blog about what I'm dealing with at the moment. It's a bit heavy.

I struggle with obsessiveness/addiction. When I read Twilight, it was ALL I could think about for nearly 2 months. I knew it was pretty silly. But I felt helpless against the pull of obsession. There has been many other addiction issues throughout my life- never drugs or anything like that. None was harmful in and of itself ("all things are permissible but not all things are beneficial" 1 Cor. 6:12) but when you become absorbed with something other than God, it's a sin. That becomes your "idol". And having an idol other than God is definitely frowned upon- it's one of the 12 commandments, so you know it's serious.

Right now the issue I'm struggling with is couponing. Well, not necessarily just couponing...I haven't bought 20 mustards or anything like you see on TV. But bargain shopping in general. I have come to enjoy and appreciate the bargain shopper's high more than I should. I KNOW better. I know I'm spending money that I shouldn't. But I just...can't...quit.

Today, for instance. I TOLD myself I would not go into Borders. But I was just so curious if they had made even increased discounts since they are closer to closing. So I went in. Now let me promise you, there really is nothing I need. SO my justification (funny how the brain so quickly assists us in finding a reason to do what we want to do anyways) is that I can stock up on Christmas/birthday presents. I mean, I will have to get those things eventually, and on sale? Even better!!!

But it's wrong. I'm certain of it. So why did I still buy something?! I did put a few things back, but still. What my mom pointed out, is that if the problem is an addiction, not just "planning ahead", eventually I'll be done with Christmas 2011, start on Easter, then next year's Christmas..etc. There is no end in sight because I will never be satisfied.

The scripture that comes to mind is "I want to do what is right, but I do not do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate..." Romans 7:15. I even thought to myself, I am a slave to this sin...but thank goodness the Holy Spirit reminded me that I have been bought at a price and am free, my flesh has been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. I am MORE than a conqueror through Christ. (!!!)

Tonight, dwelling more on the issue, the word that came to mind was REPENT. Stop, turn, go on your way. When the Lord met people who were in sin, he never whispered mean things at them, or spoke condemnation at them. He simply said, "go and sin no more" (John 8:11).

That's it. Just confess what you've done (which I've been doing all day!), seek His forgiveness, guidance and help, and turn around. Go the other way. I know that my God, who raised his Son from the dead, is more than capable to work through me to defeat this. And in every situation and temptation to come, that truth remains.

Our God is able. Who else is as merciful as He?

Let's be HONEST with ourselves- what are we putting before Him? What is on our minds and hearts continually? Repent.

P.S. If you see me shopping, please take my purse and run. Thank you. :) In all seriousness, I need some accountability, so feel free!