Over the past year, I felt I had gotten lost. So many changes happening quickly: events, traveling, home repairs, parenting challenges. I started my first nursing job 2 years ago this month. And though I enjoy being a nurse, if I'm not careful it quietly sucks the life out of me. I got married in June of this year, which is a praise but also a HUGE change. Consequently, I had the opportunity to learn how to be a parent to another child. It's been CRAZY up in here. As a coping mechanism, I became numb, absorbed into my life, like a sponge soaks up water. I wasn't present. I wasn't experiencing life, I was just watching it like a movie. So a few months ago I held my hands up and said "WHOA!" I had to take a step back and re-evaluate what was happening...because I was experiencing super duper burn out, and some pretty heavy depression.
I began the hard job of introspection. Remembering what I liked...what gave me life and energy, what made me laugh, what made me cry. I started trying to do something physically active every day off work- yoga, walking, just something. I tried to spend at least a few minutes in prayer- reading, singing, trying to hear God. Being still, being present.
Every once in awhile, I find something, like a note I've written in my bible, or a song, and I'll think...this is significant. This is a breadcrumb I've dropped on my journey, and in finding it I begin to grasp where I am going. Who I am.
Does anyone ever get lost on purpose? I don't believe we do. It happens slowly, one turn here, another there. Allowing others to make decisions for us. Distractions from the enemy. Eventually, we begin to recognize we aren't in a place we like. It's scary, foreign, and not where we want to be. And by the power of God we are able to turn around. The courage to turn around and rebuild ourselves is tough...yet I believe the toughest part is finding our way back. How can we begin? We look for the breadcrumbs to find our way back. One, by one, they come slowly. But they help us rebuild who we were, who we still are deep down, and who we want to be. They help us find our way HOME.
If you're feeling stuck...lost...in the entangling grip of depression and apathy- put on your shoes and go for a walk. Fresh air helps, people. I promise. Then sit and be still- and let God show you a breadcrumb. Let him help you find the clues to get back to a safe place. It is a tough journey...but you are never alone. True story.
**To all my friends who are my breadcrumbs- that remind me who I am when I can't remember, that speak God's truth over me...you are invaluable to me. I love you.
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