How in the world am I going to blog about my week in Haiti??? Seriously...I'm sitting here with absolutely no idea what to write. If any of this touches your heart, be assured it is the work of the Holy Spirit and not my own!!
I was beyond impressed with the beauty of Haiti. I suppose my expectations were of extreme poverty and despair. Don't get me wrong, of course there were pockets of that. Despite the dust on the ground, if your eyes looked just above that, there was beauty. The sky was SO blue, the trees SO green. Color and life and craziness everywhere. When you strip away what you see on first glance...when you have no security in your comfort zone, no way to communicate clearly...you're able to see how HE sees. It's a unique feeling. This morning I read, "blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Perhaps, as I strive to be nothing but a child before the Lord, I become pure in my heart, and am able to see God in everything around me. Especially in desolate places where I wouldn't see Him with my earthly eyes.
I also had one of the most amazing, intimate meetings with Him. Ever. Only once recently have I been that moved to tears by the closeness of His presence. It feels like I am becoming increasingly vulnerable as I hold out my heart to Him and let go, and the depth and intensity of His love blows me away. I have always been such a fearful thing, I look back over my life and am beyond amazed to see the trace of His hand. How could He use me? Have chosen me? Who am I? I've been His my whole life, but only now am I beginning to understand that. He's so good, y'all. So, so good.
I'm learning the value of simply seeking His face. I have a dear friend who gives me precious words from God always right on time. I've been so stressed about doing God's will, what does He want me to be doing with my life, etc. This is what spoke to me: "Seek my face and do my bidding, and follow my direction explicitly and you will find yourself IN my perfect will- not seeking it. It will appear. It will be inescapable. It will be natural and easy. No man shall be able to hinder or destroy my work. I will create it in and through you, and you shall know that it has come pure from my hand."
So many verses in the bible talk about seeking His face. He wants to be our friend, our Lord. He wants time with us. We spend time with those we love, and so it follows that if I want to be friends with Him, and love Him, then I spend time with Him. Not with any ulterior motives- such as what He can give me (He knows all our needs before we ask- Matt. 6:8), or trying to figure out the next step to take. Just sit with Him. I have discovered the sheer pleasure of the presence of the King. Get still before Him, allow Him to be near as breath to you, and I promise: You will be blown away when you see just how crazy He is about you!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Belovedness
Lately, I haven't blogged much, it's a different kind of season. What He's doing in my heart isn't really something I've felt led to share. It has been Him reaching deep down into my heart and slowly, SLOWLY changing the very depths of it. I've been on a path of discovering my identity as the Beloved. The loved, protected, valued, wanted child of God. It's like being able to really breathe for the first time.
When He told me He is making me new...He wasn't kidding. I had no idea we were starting at the inside, at the very beginning. It should have been obvious to me- if I can't find my TRUE self in Him, anchored to Him...How can I live as a new creation? How can He heal me if I won't see myself the way He sees me?
Sometimes, loving Jesus is almost easier than loving yourself. It's definitely the "holier" thing to do, right? For years, I have struggled with insecurities, living for the approval and affirmation of others. I've always, always loved the Lord. But I have held Him at a distance, because I couldn't accept His love for me. I thought I had...but really, I was afraid to let Him closer. Like Adam and Eve did, I tried to hide and cover myself. But He has called me out of hiding. He has drawn me closer to Him, and as I've become more vulnerable to Him, I've realized how ashamed of myself I am in His presence. It's incredible how the shame we feel about ourselves can persist even though we are forgiven.
Yet He has shown me this verse: Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces will never be covered in shame. (Ps. 34:5) Radiant. Beautiful. Contrast that with this quote from Brennan Manning*: "when I draw life and meaning from any source other than belovedness, I am spiritually dead."
So how do I accept this belovedness? Brennan suggests that the way to maintain awareness of our identity as Beloved is time alone with God. That will drown out the voices declaring our worthlessness. You cannot know and be known without spending time with a person. It only makes sense that if knowing God is the answer to truly knowing ourselves, we have to spend time with Him.
This visual really helped me to get it- imagine a bowl into which you pour a pitcher of water. The water swirls and swirls, tossing and turning, tumultuous. As it sits in stillness, it slowly begins to settle, until at last, you can see your reflection in it.
When we are constantly in the midst of others, God's voice is easily drowned out by the chaos, and we can't hear Him telling us who we really are. But when we get still, then we can hear and receive that we are, at our core, one radically beloved by God. He has relentlessly and tenderly pursued me, refusing to let me continue on believing that I am anything less.
*Brennan Manning, "Abba's Child"
When He told me He is making me new...He wasn't kidding. I had no idea we were starting at the inside, at the very beginning. It should have been obvious to me- if I can't find my TRUE self in Him, anchored to Him...How can I live as a new creation? How can He heal me if I won't see myself the way He sees me?
Sometimes, loving Jesus is almost easier than loving yourself. It's definitely the "holier" thing to do, right? For years, I have struggled with insecurities, living for the approval and affirmation of others. I've always, always loved the Lord. But I have held Him at a distance, because I couldn't accept His love for me. I thought I had...but really, I was afraid to let Him closer. Like Adam and Eve did, I tried to hide and cover myself. But He has called me out of hiding. He has drawn me closer to Him, and as I've become more vulnerable to Him, I've realized how ashamed of myself I am in His presence. It's incredible how the shame we feel about ourselves can persist even though we are forgiven.
Yet He has shown me this verse: Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces will never be covered in shame. (Ps. 34:5) Radiant. Beautiful. Contrast that with this quote from Brennan Manning*: "when I draw life and meaning from any source other than belovedness, I am spiritually dead."
So how do I accept this belovedness? Brennan suggests that the way to maintain awareness of our identity as Beloved is time alone with God. That will drown out the voices declaring our worthlessness. You cannot know and be known without spending time with a person. It only makes sense that if knowing God is the answer to truly knowing ourselves, we have to spend time with Him.
This visual really helped me to get it- imagine a bowl into which you pour a pitcher of water. The water swirls and swirls, tossing and turning, tumultuous. As it sits in stillness, it slowly begins to settle, until at last, you can see your reflection in it.
When we are constantly in the midst of others, God's voice is easily drowned out by the chaos, and we can't hear Him telling us who we really are. But when we get still, then we can hear and receive that we are, at our core, one radically beloved by God. He has relentlessly and tenderly pursued me, refusing to let me continue on believing that I am anything less.
*Brennan Manning, "Abba's Child"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)