Closer than a breath

This morning I was working through some stuff. There's things in my life that need to go and like Peter, I feel like I'm being sifted like wheat. (Luke 22:31)

In the workbook I'm doing, the theme for the week is "overcoming the fear of joy." For some of us, there is always an expectation for the other shoe to drop. We get excited about things, but can never fully allow ourselves to appreciate them and feel true joy because we fear that ultimately disappointment will occur.

One facet to that mindset is how we view God. Actually, it's probably the foundation to how we feel about joy. On a surface level, in our minds, I'm sure we can all come up with the sunday school answer: "oh, God is love. definitely. absolutely."

But dig deeper. Examine your heart. Really, truly, how do YOU see God?
For me, this exposed a lot.

I know that He loves me. No doubt. But I feel like He is so far away, up in heaven, very holy and unable to be up close with me. Perhaps not wanting to get to close.  He's got bigger things to do than hang out with me. He made me, He loves me, but maybe doesn't actually enjoy being around me.

I tend to see Jesus as the fun guy...and God as the dad and disciplinarian up in heaven.

So as always, when there is discord between what I believe and what is truth, I have to review the only hint of Him that we have: the bible.

"The compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." (Ex. 34:6)

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zeph. 3:17- My FAVE)

"Hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (Rom 5:5)

Not to mention the huge, amazing fact that He sent His son so that the gap between us was closed and He could just be with us.

Scripture after scripture describes a God who is not distant, scrooge-like, legalistic, demanding...but rather intensely loving us.

And yet....I couldn't grasp it. I felt that I was still distanced from Him in my mind. I prayed so hard that I would see Him as He truly IS, not what I have created Him to be.

And then I began my daily affirmations (we're suppose to say these 5x a day)...and He heard my prayer and drew near. I didn't make it past numero uno.

#1- I accept God's love for me.

With my eyes closed, I pictured Him, prompting me, pushing me "really? do you really accept it? really?" I imagined His face right up in front of mine, His breath on my face as He spoke to me. Fiercely trying to get me to SEE.

And I did. And I wept.

I accept God's love for me. I accept God's LOVE for ME.

Take some time to examine how you see Him. You may be surprised at what you find. Let Him reveal Himself as He is, and blow your socks off.