I am about to share with you a very brief glimpse into the depths of my heart. This is a very honest picture of my mindset today, and I hope you will stick with me. It's important to me to be real, to not pretend I have it all together, in hopes that you will be willing to be real and honest with your friends, too.
Today I had a beautiful opportunity to go to a Christmas outreach with the youth group. We have been working quite awhile on songs to sing, writing cards, and brainstorming on how we can share the gospel with this amazing shelter in Knoxville called KARM (Knox Area Rescue Ministries). We've worked hard, and I have enjoyed every second.
I was in Charlotte for the weekend, and realized a little too late that I had to leave to make it on time. I broke the speed limit in many a county to make the 4.5 hr drive into 4 hrs. I did not eat well today and overdid it with the coffee, so with all that I was a bit stressed. (Excuses? Probably...)
We finally make it on time and dash in! And then...the fun begins. In my mind. Satan's totally got my number on exactly how to make me insecure. I hate how easy it must be for him sometimes. I felt like it didn't matter at all that I was there. I was not necessary. I could have not gone at all and not one soul would have noticed. I reminded myself repeatedly..."it's not about me, Lord. It's about YOU." And I honestly enjoyed being there. But I felt so...useless. Hopeless.
Got home, tried to call a few folks to pray for me, encourage me. No one home. Made dinner, felt like crying. Then I realized I just needed some time alone and took a bath.
And God met me there. That's the coolest thing about Jesus, he speaks to our hearts whenever, wherever.
What He said surprised me. "It IS about you. It's about your growth, it's about just BEING there, it's about being available. You are my hands and feet."
He reminded me of the woman sitting behind me doing a crossword puzzle...we chatted for a bit. Of the woman on my left who had a beautiful smile (and heart) and I told her so. Of the staff at the desk who we took cookies to. And of the fact that just bringing my children there exposes them to a whole new perspective on life. It gives them a chance to learn how to serve others.
When I thought of all that, my whole view changed. I saw the bigger picture, and I saw myself the way HE sees me. As His servant, available and ready to do whatever He needs, and always loved. When I asked Him, "Lord, do I even matter? At all?"....what was whispered in my heart I will treasure forever:
"Would I have shed one drop of blood for someone who didn't matter? Would I tirelessly shape you into what I want you to be?"
He's still workin' on me. And what a patient God He must be.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Peace: unaccepted
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth PEACE to men on whom His favor rests. (Luke 2:14)
These words, shouted by a whole lot of angels, were proclaiming the coming of peace. The Prince of Peace to be exact. The one that would end the fight over sin and close the gap between man and God. We can now have peace with God.
In Isaiah 9, the birth of Christ is foretold by the prophet Isaiah. The people of Israel at that time were suffering and in anguish at the hands of the Romans. Anguish. Life was really, really hard. They were in serious persecution. They were waiting on the promised Messiah whom, upon His arrival, "there will be no more gloom for her who was in anguish" (Is. 9:1) and "there will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness." (Is. 9:7)
They were waiting. A LONG time. Not sure exactly how long...but you know that feeling as a child when you keep counting the days down to Christmas, and it seems to take forever??? Maybe it was similar to that. It was a long wait.
The longer you wait on God, it's easy to lose focus on the big picture. You start to focus on your expectations, on how YOU think God should deliver.
The Israelites took the above scriptures and ran with them. They lost focus on whose plan mattered more. They began to imagine a strong, mighty government leader. One that would bring peace by defeating the Romans and being a King on their own terms.
It's not bad that they had an imagination. We create all kinds of images in our heads of what we think our future may be. The issue here is that they let their imagination and their expectation of what Christ SHOULD be cloud their vision; they totally missed it when He actually came.
God finally delivered, after all that waiting, and they missed it! His own people, the ones He came for, and they refused to believe this was it because it didn't match up with what they wanted. They continued to hold on to their ideas and false hope, even today many are waiting for the Messiah to come.
We have to be willing to LET GO of our plans and our desires and yield to His. Otherwise we absolutely are going to miss out when He delivers the miracle. Have dreams. Have hopes and ideas. But at the end of the day, place them in the hands of the One who will bring real, authentic peace by the power of the Holy Spirit. Peace that goes far deeper than the imitation version you can try to create apart from Him.
We can now have peace with God, by way of the Prince of Peace. Don't lose focus.
These words, shouted by a whole lot of angels, were proclaiming the coming of peace. The Prince of Peace to be exact. The one that would end the fight over sin and close the gap between man and God. We can now have peace with God.
In Isaiah 9, the birth of Christ is foretold by the prophet Isaiah. The people of Israel at that time were suffering and in anguish at the hands of the Romans. Anguish. Life was really, really hard. They were in serious persecution. They were waiting on the promised Messiah whom, upon His arrival, "there will be no more gloom for her who was in anguish" (Is. 9:1) and "there will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness." (Is. 9:7)
They were waiting. A LONG time. Not sure exactly how long...but you know that feeling as a child when you keep counting the days down to Christmas, and it seems to take forever??? Maybe it was similar to that. It was a long wait.
The longer you wait on God, it's easy to lose focus on the big picture. You start to focus on your expectations, on how YOU think God should deliver.
The Israelites took the above scriptures and ran with them. They lost focus on whose plan mattered more. They began to imagine a strong, mighty government leader. One that would bring peace by defeating the Romans and being a King on their own terms.
It's not bad that they had an imagination. We create all kinds of images in our heads of what we think our future may be. The issue here is that they let their imagination and their expectation of what Christ SHOULD be cloud their vision; they totally missed it when He actually came.
God finally delivered, after all that waiting, and they missed it! His own people, the ones He came for, and they refused to believe this was it because it didn't match up with what they wanted. They continued to hold on to their ideas and false hope, even today many are waiting for the Messiah to come.
We have to be willing to LET GO of our plans and our desires and yield to His. Otherwise we absolutely are going to miss out when He delivers the miracle. Have dreams. Have hopes and ideas. But at the end of the day, place them in the hands of the One who will bring real, authentic peace by the power of the Holy Spirit. Peace that goes far deeper than the imitation version you can try to create apart from Him.
We can now have peace with God, by way of the Prince of Peace. Don't lose focus.
Monday, December 12, 2011
The royal "we"
Even though it's been nearly two years since I've been widowed, I still cannot break the tendency of saying "we." We decided this...or we were watching...we wanted to...sigh. It's getting a little bit embarrassing when I have to follow whatever "we" statement I made with, "um, actually, when I say 'we' I mean 'me'." Seriously, I wonder if people will begin to think I have an imaginary friend! :/
It's hard, really hard, to adjust to being alone.
It's even harder to grasp that we never really are.
In a perfectly timed tweet, God reminded me (through Louie Giglio) that He is always with us. "Are you just waiting on the Lord, or waiting WITH the Lord? Big shift! Amazing truth. No one waits alone."
No one waits alone. I love that. And it's so true. Not only has He promised to never leave us (Heb. 13:5), but also that He will answer us before we even call out to Him, and hears us while we are speaking (Isaiah 65:24).
In Isaiah 41, God says He has chosen you, do not fear for He is with You.
And my personal favorite, "I have called you by name, you are Mine!" (Is. 43:1)
So perhaps my heart knew what my mind had forgotten: I AM part of a "we." A royal we, as it were. I am a princess, a daughter of the King. When I make a decision, when I am resting at home, regardless of what I am doing, I do all things in the name of Jesus (Col. 3:17) and I do all things with His Spirit within me. I will always and forever be part of a "we."
We are chosen. We are deeply loved. And we are never, ever alone. Take comfort in that today.
It's hard, really hard, to adjust to being alone.
It's even harder to grasp that we never really are.
In a perfectly timed tweet, God reminded me (through Louie Giglio) that He is always with us. "Are you just waiting on the Lord, or waiting WITH the Lord? Big shift! Amazing truth. No one waits alone."
No one waits alone. I love that. And it's so true. Not only has He promised to never leave us (Heb. 13:5), but also that He will answer us before we even call out to Him, and hears us while we are speaking (Isaiah 65:24).
In Isaiah 41, God says He has chosen you, do not fear for He is with You.
And my personal favorite, "I have called you by name, you are Mine!" (Is. 43:1)
So perhaps my heart knew what my mind had forgotten: I AM part of a "we." A royal we, as it were. I am a princess, a daughter of the King. When I make a decision, when I am resting at home, regardless of what I am doing, I do all things in the name of Jesus (Col. 3:17) and I do all things with His Spirit within me. I will always and forever be part of a "we."
We are chosen. We are deeply loved. And we are never, ever alone. Take comfort in that today.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Mary brings her "A" game
I love that at the age of 29, God can reveal something fresh and new to me through something I've heard a hundred times: the story of Jesus' birth. Well, make that the story of His conception. It's even better when that revelation occurs during youth group- I'm there for the kids, right? Except God sees it as a perfect opportunity to refresh my awe for Him.
We talked about expectations and hope. Certainly Mary, as a young woman at that time, dreamt of the coming of the Messiah. They all were waiting for Him to come and deliver them from the Romans. We can also assume that she did not hope and dream of carrying the Messiah in her womb before she was married.
Can you imagine? Being under 18, unwed, and pregnant. And then trying to convince your mom and dad that God did it. Riiiiiight. Not to mention convincing the man of your dreams that you didn't sleep around. When Mary imagined her life, I'm sure that wasn't how she would of planned it.
That isn't necessarily new to me. What takes on new meaning is this: her response. "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said."
THAT'S IT??? That is what she replied? Because, let's be real, if you're getting ready to take a nap and an angel pops in to tell you you will get pregnant by the Holy Spirit, well, her response wasn't on the list of responses I might have!
I realized as I listened to the lesson that I want to have faith just like that. Regardless of what the Lord asks me to do for Him, I want to reply exactly the same: "I'm your servant, let it be as you've said." That's faith. Incredible faith.
Take a minute to go back to Luke chapter 1. It's a story we are so familiar with, yet one that is so absolutely incredible. He didn't just pick anyone; He picked Mary. (Please don't get me wrong, I don't condone worshipping her more than Christ. Luke 11:28 says that rather than Mary being the blessed one is those who hear the word and put it into practice.)
Let her short, simple, devoted response inspire you this Christmas season to have faith that will trust God regardless of what you see around you.
We talked about expectations and hope. Certainly Mary, as a young woman at that time, dreamt of the coming of the Messiah. They all were waiting for Him to come and deliver them from the Romans. We can also assume that she did not hope and dream of carrying the Messiah in her womb before she was married.
Can you imagine? Being under 18, unwed, and pregnant. And then trying to convince your mom and dad that God did it. Riiiiiight. Not to mention convincing the man of your dreams that you didn't sleep around. When Mary imagined her life, I'm sure that wasn't how she would of planned it.
That isn't necessarily new to me. What takes on new meaning is this: her response. "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said."
THAT'S IT??? That is what she replied? Because, let's be real, if you're getting ready to take a nap and an angel pops in to tell you you will get pregnant by the Holy Spirit, well, her response wasn't on the list of responses I might have!
I realized as I listened to the lesson that I want to have faith just like that. Regardless of what the Lord asks me to do for Him, I want to reply exactly the same: "I'm your servant, let it be as you've said." That's faith. Incredible faith.
Take a minute to go back to Luke chapter 1. It's a story we are so familiar with, yet one that is so absolutely incredible. He didn't just pick anyone; He picked Mary. (Please don't get me wrong, I don't condone worshipping her more than Christ. Luke 11:28 says that rather than Mary being the blessed one is those who hear the word and put it into practice.)
Let her short, simple, devoted response inspire you this Christmas season to have faith that will trust God regardless of what you see around you.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Brand New!
Last night I had the opportunity to listen to a message from Sean Alsobrooks, the pastor of Knoxlife church. You can listen to that message here: http://www.buzzsprout.com/episodes/converted/36975.mp3
The longer you have been following God, at a certain point you think you've heard it all. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously. Then God, by the power of the Holy Spirit, breathes fresh life into a story and you become aware of how little you know. And how much you have to learn (grasshopper)...
The scripture that was a big part of the message was: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come."
Yep. Heard it. Cool. It's a good one. Not sure that I've ever allowed myself to let it change my behavior or patterns of thinking. But hey, another verse I know. Awesome.
Then the pastor wove a story that perked up my ears and made my soul stand at attention. He talked about how when his daughter was coughing he went in and patted her back, comforted her, etc. Then he offered her medicine. The yucky kind. She of course didn't want it, because of the yucky factor. Her father offered it to her so that she would be well. Even though she didn't want to take it, she needed to because it was what was going to make her better.
Similarly, when God comes into our lives, he forgives us and brings us peace and comfort. But He won't stop there- He wants to make us well. He wants to get rid of our "cough". Sometimes the things He wants us to do are yucky, they aren't what we would choose for ourselves, but as our Father, He is only offering us something that will make us better. We could tell him "I won't cough, I'll stop coughing, please don't make me take that!" And the great thing about God is He will never force us. He offers. He nudges. But He doesn't force. We have a choice to move forward with Him, or to stay defeated and "ill".
The other image that really struck me was when the pastor turned in his driver's license from another state to get a new one. They took his old one away, shredded it, and gave him a new one. His old identity was gone. Forever.
When you become a follower of Christ, believe He is the son of God and has risen again, He takes your old identity and shreds it. IT IS GONE. Gone. He gives you a new one. "I have called you by name; you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1)
God says: "I don't SEE you the way you used to be." He sees the righteousness of Christ when He looks at us.
I am new. I am NEW. No longer are we at sin's beck and call, we have a choice now, by the power of God. We are truly FREE. Not free TO sin, but free to forget all our old habits and ways and step out ahead with Him. We can't stay where we're at, we begin a new journey.
Ultimately, God wants us whole and well. He only has good for us, even when what's ahead looks bleak. He treasures us. He offers us healing and help to move forward. Will you allow Him to make you a new identity today? The old one will be gone forever.
The longer you have been following God, at a certain point you think you've heard it all. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously. Then God, by the power of the Holy Spirit, breathes fresh life into a story and you become aware of how little you know. And how much you have to learn (grasshopper)...
The scripture that was a big part of the message was: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come."
Yep. Heard it. Cool. It's a good one. Not sure that I've ever allowed myself to let it change my behavior or patterns of thinking. But hey, another verse I know. Awesome.
Then the pastor wove a story that perked up my ears and made my soul stand at attention. He talked about how when his daughter was coughing he went in and patted her back, comforted her, etc. Then he offered her medicine. The yucky kind. She of course didn't want it, because of the yucky factor. Her father offered it to her so that she would be well. Even though she didn't want to take it, she needed to because it was what was going to make her better.
Similarly, when God comes into our lives, he forgives us and brings us peace and comfort. But He won't stop there- He wants to make us well. He wants to get rid of our "cough". Sometimes the things He wants us to do are yucky, they aren't what we would choose for ourselves, but as our Father, He is only offering us something that will make us better. We could tell him "I won't cough, I'll stop coughing, please don't make me take that!" And the great thing about God is He will never force us. He offers. He nudges. But He doesn't force. We have a choice to move forward with Him, or to stay defeated and "ill".
The other image that really struck me was when the pastor turned in his driver's license from another state to get a new one. They took his old one away, shredded it, and gave him a new one. His old identity was gone. Forever.
When you become a follower of Christ, believe He is the son of God and has risen again, He takes your old identity and shreds it. IT IS GONE. Gone. He gives you a new one. "I have called you by name; you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1)
God says: "I don't SEE you the way you used to be." He sees the righteousness of Christ when He looks at us.
I am new. I am NEW. No longer are we at sin's beck and call, we have a choice now, by the power of God. We are truly FREE. Not free TO sin, but free to forget all our old habits and ways and step out ahead with Him. We can't stay where we're at, we begin a new journey.
Ultimately, God wants us whole and well. He only has good for us, even when what's ahead looks bleak. He treasures us. He offers us healing and help to move forward. Will you allow Him to make you a new identity today? The old one will be gone forever.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The unseen battle
Ahh, my first blog of December. I'm ready for a fresh breath from the Holy Spirit, how bout ya'll?
This week I have been reading about the unseen battle we fight. According to God, it's the only battle. Ephesians 6:10-12 directs us to put on the full armor of God to stand against the devil's schemes. "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood.." but essentially we fight against the evil rulers of the world and of the "heavenly realms."
We know this. Most of us have heard this before. Yet is it something that you consider each day? As I ask God to open my eyes to the battle I cannot see, I am totally amazed at the skill of "the dark side" to distract me. I have completely forgotten how to evaluate everything with this scripture in mind. How many times do I get on the internet to read a devotional or to blog and get sidetracked by facebook or something else? Even now, all I want to do is spend time with Christ, and I am truly making an effort to fulfill that desire, and yet I get distracted.
John 10:10 says that the thief comes to KILL, STEAL, and DESTROY. He can't steal your salvation, but he can muddle up your mind to where you become unable to enjoy the blessings God has given. He wants to steal your joy. He wants to destroy any chance of God getting glory from you living a Godly life. God lets us know this up front, and warns us to beware.
"Be alert and and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
Wow. He really made a strong statement there. I mean, He could have just said "your enemy wants to destroy you." Take a minute and picture a lion, quite hungry, looking for someone to devour. Yikes! We know we do not have to be afraid, because God is all powerful and the devil is not. The Lord wasn't trying to scare us, He wants us to be on alert! To consciously attack each thought, each moment, each day, so that we may get stronger in HIS power, and able to finish strong.
C.S. Lewis' book "The Screwtape Letters" is a book of letters from one demon, Uncle Screwtape, to his minion, Wormwood. It allows you to understand some of the ways they work against us. Really interesting, kind of creepy and extremely insightful. Their main goal is distraction and to keep us shallow. The enemy aims to keep us from digging deeper and experiencing true sorrow for our own sins, and from a close relationship with Christ. Because the closer we get to Jesus, the stronger we become, and we will be less likely to cave under attack.
I like this image- think of a child, afraid. They run for their mom or dad. They know that they need their parent. Then the child is fully assured of his or her safety. When we are afraid, and we run to Him, we are safe. He is our refuge, our place of safety (Psalm 91:2)
Stand strong and fight this battle! It's time to go on the offensive, rather than be rendered useless by all the cares of this world. Recognize that you ARE in a spiritual battle and fight with the full armor of God.
(I will blog soon about what all this armor means, but in the meantime look up Eph. 6:10-12)
This week I have been reading about the unseen battle we fight. According to God, it's the only battle. Ephesians 6:10-12 directs us to put on the full armor of God to stand against the devil's schemes. "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood.." but essentially we fight against the evil rulers of the world and of the "heavenly realms."
We know this. Most of us have heard this before. Yet is it something that you consider each day? As I ask God to open my eyes to the battle I cannot see, I am totally amazed at the skill of "the dark side" to distract me. I have completely forgotten how to evaluate everything with this scripture in mind. How many times do I get on the internet to read a devotional or to blog and get sidetracked by facebook or something else? Even now, all I want to do is spend time with Christ, and I am truly making an effort to fulfill that desire, and yet I get distracted.
John 10:10 says that the thief comes to KILL, STEAL, and DESTROY. He can't steal your salvation, but he can muddle up your mind to where you become unable to enjoy the blessings God has given. He wants to steal your joy. He wants to destroy any chance of God getting glory from you living a Godly life. God lets us know this up front, and warns us to beware.
"Be alert and and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8
Wow. He really made a strong statement there. I mean, He could have just said "your enemy wants to destroy you." Take a minute and picture a lion, quite hungry, looking for someone to devour. Yikes! We know we do not have to be afraid, because God is all powerful and the devil is not. The Lord wasn't trying to scare us, He wants us to be on alert! To consciously attack each thought, each moment, each day, so that we may get stronger in HIS power, and able to finish strong.
C.S. Lewis' book "The Screwtape Letters" is a book of letters from one demon, Uncle Screwtape, to his minion, Wormwood. It allows you to understand some of the ways they work against us. Really interesting, kind of creepy and extremely insightful. Their main goal is distraction and to keep us shallow. The enemy aims to keep us from digging deeper and experiencing true sorrow for our own sins, and from a close relationship with Christ. Because the closer we get to Jesus, the stronger we become, and we will be less likely to cave under attack.
I like this image- think of a child, afraid. They run for their mom or dad. They know that they need their parent. Then the child is fully assured of his or her safety. When we are afraid, and we run to Him, we are safe. He is our refuge, our place of safety (Psalm 91:2)
Stand strong and fight this battle! It's time to go on the offensive, rather than be rendered useless by all the cares of this world. Recognize that you ARE in a spiritual battle and fight with the full armor of God.
(I will blog soon about what all this armor means, but in the meantime look up Eph. 6:10-12)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Shall not be wanting...
As I drove home today, I imagined what I must seem like sometimes. Right now, in particular. I felt like a child on a leash harness, straining and tugging against it to get at what they want. God is holding me back, assuring me that there is something even better, and would I please just walk next to Him nicely? (If I was the parent I would probably be losing my temper, lucky for me God has a lot of patience!)
Every now and then, I draw near to Him, walk in step with Him, and feel peace. But then something catches my eye or interest and I tug, saying "I want that, I want that, please, Papa! I think that looks like a good plan!"And again, patiently He says "Wait."
I wish I could stay in those peaceful resting times. I wish I refused to become distracted by what I see around me, and by the plans and ideas I come up with for myself. He has the unique ability to see the WHOLE picture- the past, present and future. He alone knows how he can weave this beautiful tapestry to use me to the fullest. All of our experiences, all those we connect with are used to the glory of God. All I can see is where I am at right now. It only makes sense to cast all my cares on him and believe.
The song "The house of God, forever" by Jon Foreman has been in my head for DAYS! Such a perfect song for peace, and to remind us of His goodness. I encourage you to listen to it twice! Get it stuck in your head :) It is based on Psalm 23.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23.
Every now and then, I draw near to Him, walk in step with Him, and feel peace. But then something catches my eye or interest and I tug, saying "I want that, I want that, please, Papa! I think that looks like a good plan!"And again, patiently He says "Wait."
I wish I could stay in those peaceful resting times. I wish I refused to become distracted by what I see around me, and by the plans and ideas I come up with for myself. He has the unique ability to see the WHOLE picture- the past, present and future. He alone knows how he can weave this beautiful tapestry to use me to the fullest. All of our experiences, all those we connect with are used to the glory of God. All I can see is where I am at right now. It only makes sense to cast all my cares on him and believe.
The song "The house of God, forever" by Jon Foreman has been in my head for DAYS! Such a perfect song for peace, and to remind us of His goodness. I encourage you to listen to it twice! Get it stuck in your head :) It is based on Psalm 23.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23.
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