This morning at Knoxlife Pastor Sean talked about how we sometimes use religion as a sort of gauge of how well we are pleasing God. Those weren't his exact words: that's my summary.
When we're following the rules, we're super pleasing to God. But when we break them we fall out of His favor. He is upset/disappointed and we must repent or do SOMETHING to get back on His good side. Sometimes we aren't even aware of how the rules of religion affect us until we mess up (which is probably really often!)
The law is tangible. It makes sense to our tiny human minds. It's something that we feel comfortable with because we understand it.
But God and His kingdom are far, far beyond our comprehension. When Jesus came and died it became possible to live that free kingdom life NOW. He fulfilled the law. Now we can rest in His arms without striving for His approval. Yet....we forget that last part. Or we feel like it's too good to be true.
Ultimately I just had a really rough morning. (I believe equal parts of PMS and satan are to blame). I felt like a giant super sinner that continues to make stupid choices. An idiot. Feeling that I'm not pleasing to God at the moment. Not sure how to even fix it. But just kept feeling this voice say "you can do better. you can BE better."
UGH.
So tonight I continue trying to process what happened at church. Trying to understand what in the world caused that hot mess. And this thought came to mind. God: "Do you think I see you any differently now than a year ago?"(At which point I had to try really hard to even think about where I was a year ago!) But seriously- whether I feel close, or far; whether I'm being Jenny super Christian or just a worn out mom yelling at her kids...
...has anything that I've done recently made God see me any differently than He did a year ago?
Two years ago? The circumstances in my life change daily, and so does my behavior (both good and bad) - and my mindset. BUT GOD DOES NOT. He is unchanging. His LOVE is unchanging. He sees me and loves me the same day in and day out. Regardless of anything I have or have not done. Regardless of my emotions. Regardless even of whether or not I believe it and accept it- His love is constant.
I will probably never be able to grasp that this side of heaven. Grace. It's free, unearned, unexplainable. Not only have I been pardoned...but I have been pardoned with LOVE. I am wanted, cherished, value, and worthy. I am HIS. I've gotta stay close by His side so I can shout that back at the voices of doubt and condemnation that drain me. I. AM. HIS. And He said "It is finished."
